The Pen Is Mightier

I've Migrated!

2011-08-16T14:07:00.001-07:00

It was only a matter of time before I moved over to Wordpress. You can now find me there!

www.bethanyeanes.com

Video Blog!

2011-07-12T11:03:00.000-07:00

Hi guys,

I'm moving out from behind the keyboard. Check out my most recent posts on my video blog. I know the sound timing got a little messed up on the second blog, but I think you can handle it!

1 Year Sober

2011-07-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

Wow. I made it. I have been looking forward to this day for about 11 months. The first 30 days was all about the first 30 days, and ever since my eyes were set on one whole year.

This year has been complete, totally and selfishly about me and my self-growth. Yes, I know, it was also the first year of my marriage. But I think (hope) my husband appreciates the calmer, clearer, happier me on the outside. Actually, I know he does. I know this year has been easier for him because of the changes I've made. And, I know he's happy.

That's the most important part. I'm supposed to say my own happiness is the most important. But, ultimately, when you are married, you don't end up thinking of it on those terms. You act in ways that make you happy, but the ultimate goal of a happy you is a happy, healthy, truly fun marriage (and family).

The more you bloom, the more those relationships that are important to you can become strong. And those that aren't important, well, they admittedly fall alway. It can be sad for a moment, but the experience of growing into who you are meant to be as a person and as a wife is so powerful, it quickly fills any gaps left behind when your old self leaves.

I am currently reading Gandhi's autobiography, "The Story of My Experiments with Truth." He gives credit to God every single time he resists temptation. Gandhi admits he is too weak to stand up to any temptation, so if he gets out free and clear, it is only because God was acting as his protector.

I have to take a moment to acknowledge the way God has acted as my protector through this year. He has intervened on my behalf on so many occasions where I would have been too weak to do what was best for me. I live in eternal gratitude for the power of the Divine and His work in my life.

Perseverance

2011-07-06T07:35:00.000-07:00

Adopting a shelter dog is a lesson in perseverance. You have to be strong in your conviction this dog was meant for you, and God brought you these challenges as part of His plan. Now, I wonder what it must be like adopting a child?

What I've learned about myself

2011-07-01T08:04:00.000-07:00

I graduated from my yoga teacher training on Sunday. I'm officially registered, insured and CPR certified. I thought I would blog more about the process; but, to be honest, with the classes all weekend long and my normal schedule during the week, time was not flowing freely.

One of the things I did do, though, was journal to myself along the way. This was encouraged, and our teachers gave us writing prompts from time-to-time. On the last day, we were given the prompt, "What did I learn about myself?"

The goal is to write, unceasingly, until the teacher says stop. Stream of consciousness. In all my years writing, throughout high school and college, I never experienced "writer's block." But I definitely did at this prompt. This teacher training was supposed to be, if nothing else, a journey into myself. A time to learn about who I am and where I'm going. So why the heck was it so hard to answer this question?

Ultimately, I learned little about myself in the training. Truth is, my yoga practice over the past year has taught me all I need to know about me (for now). I get myself. I get why I can be difficult, and I get why it is easy to fix the problem. I understand why I faced the challenges I did early in life.

What I learned, though, was about other people. I learned people live in the moment. We're often taught about the importance of first impressions and that people hold grudges. Our fairy tales and movies show us that some people are bad, and others are good, and that's the way it is.

But it's not. People are willing to accept you today, regardless of who you were in the past. They take it at face value. People are capable of change, and they - at least most of them - believe others are capable of change as well. Most of them are hiding some qualities in themselves or choices they've made they find distasteful. They don't want to be judged for those, and because of this, they'll often forgive you what you're hiding.

People are much better than most of us give them credit for. They want to have friends, be loved, and get along with others. If you're willing to be the submissive one, to acknowledge your faults rather than calling them out on theirs, to agree this is, in the end, not a competition and, if it is, then they win ... if you're willing to do that, people are very, very easy to get along with. Society is easy to float through (or float above, depending on how you look at it).

If you give people every reason to believe you are a good friend today, a good employee today, a good wife today or a good mother today, they don't really care if you were those same things five years ago. And those that do care, well, you can choose to stop that emotion from coming through and just reflect it back with love.

At the end of the road, I've realized I'm no different from anybody else. We all have faults and problems, and we all want to be accepted despite them. When you make a change and reach out asking others to accepts you, they will. Trust this.

And if they won't, well, God will. God will always forgive and accept. And your dog will do the same :)

Doubts, Marriage & Faith

2011-06-29T07:52:00.000-07:00

A friend recently confided in me she was having some doubts about marriage because she developed a crush on another man she met. I looked at her honestly and said, "That is nothing to worry about!"

We don't stop being human just because we are married. We don't stop wondering about life, about whether things will fall into place the way we expect them to. We don't stop noticing there are other options. Even when we are secure in our own choices, those options persist.

Life throws these curve balls our way constantly. Doubt is very much a part of anything worthwhile, whether it is a career, a relationship with God, or a relationship with a spouse. Heck, we can't even go without doubt when it's time to order dinner off a menu (What are you having? Should we split two things? Oh, I wish I'd gotten that.) How can we go through marriage without doubt?

We can't.

Here's the best advice I have. Given, I've only been married for a year, so I'm not a seasoned veteran yet. But, I've been with my now husband for going on seven years. In that time, I have experienced doubt.

Just saying, "I have experienced doubt," is often more suitable than saying, "I have doubt." Often, what you are experiencing as doubt is actually fear, insecurity, sadness or loneliness. Acknowledge the feeling, but know it is just that: a feeling.

Feelings are not facts. Just because you feel doubt does not mean you have to act on it. Just as you are happy in the absence of doubt, do not lose your happiness when doubt comes. Learn to evaluate doubt. Ask yourself if your choice was, indeed, incorrect, or if you're experiencing a natural human emotion given the situation you have been placed in.

I think if more of us learned to live with a degree of doubt in marriage (or in faith), knowing it is a natural reaction to a number of life's challenges, there would be less divorce, less broken homes, less heartbreak, less turning from God, less loneliness.

When you have doubt, let your faith be stronger.

It Won't Be Like This for Long

2011-06-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

Have I written about this song before? Perhaps. I just think about it a lot. It's a song by Darius Rucker (Hootie!), and my dad and I danced to it at my wedding. The song reminds us how quickly phases pass and to embrace even the difficult ones.

We brought Flapjack home last night. He is on his first full day in a new home. He's anxious, won't eat, and poops a ton. He did sleep through the night in his crate, and he hasn't had an accident. So, I give him a B+ so far.

Mostly, it's hard because our cats are hiding and on edge. We adore them, as you know, and it hurts my heart to see them so scared. They need to buck up (the dog is only 12 pounds, and they're each over 10). But, even though I know they'll need to get over it eventually, and even though I know they will, it is hard to watch.

The song just came on my iTunes playlist. It reminded me of the day we first brought Sebastian home. He STANK! He was really little. Less than 2 pounds! He cried when left alone, cried when we weren't paying attention to him, and couldn't meet Jerome just yet. It was a really hard time. But, looking back, I miss that little stink man. He's so big now. Even though those days weren't easy, I wish I had been more present in them, not so fast to wish them away.

These days will be trying, but I hope to stay present and remember what it was like to bring Flapjack to his new home!

Plan, but make the planning part of the now

2011-06-24T08:19:00.000-07:00

This morning I had the pleasure of practicing the "Classical Yoga Program." Developed by Swami Sivananda to bring about specific physical and mental benefits, this program differs from any other type of yoga I've ever "done." Each pose is held for 3 - 5 minutes, with a savasana every 2 or 3 poses. The opening pose is a 3 minute headstand.

Each time I practice this program, it brings me something new. I've only ever found this offered through Mukti Yoga School as its founder, Julie, studied under Swami Satyananda, who is a direct disciple of Swami Sivananda. I'm sure it's offered elsewhere, but I don't know where!

Swami Sivananda created 10 codes for life that are recited during the classical program (this may just be something Julie and her followers do, I don't know here). The codes range greatly from learning to accept others fully to being completely at peace with your past decisions. Each of them is remarkable, and, someday when I actually live by them, I will be very peaceful.

Today, the code that resonated with me most is Be Present. Yea, it's not exactly unique to Swami Sivananda, or to any form of yoga, or to yoga at all. It is a goal many religions, moral codes, cultures and people share - learn to live life for the now.

In our modern American society, though, it is very hard not to plan. It feels like I'm always planning. Requesting vacation time months ahead. Saving for a house. For retirement. For college. Planning where we want to live when our children - not yet born - are attending high school. Planning is everywhere.

Swami Sivananda offers the advice, "Plan, but make the planning part of the now." Basically, he is instructing us to enjoy planning for planning's sake, knowing our plans may change. Enjoy the planning because it is a way of dreaming, of manifesting a wonderful tomorrow, and the thought of this manifestation can make us happy in today. Saving for retirement can be enjoyed today because I know I'm being responsible, right now, not because I know I'll enjoy it later.

I want to think of planning like this more often. It reminds me of a favorite poem I love so much I shared it on the welcome package for our wedding guests:

Don't tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly OK with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next. . .

- The Dance, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Eanes: a Family of Five

2011-06-23T08:06:00.000-07:00

Meet the newest member of the Eanes clan - Flapjack!

Flapjack will be appearing for his final home test with us on Monday. We hope all goes well - i.e., there is no cat chasing - so he can officially be anointed Flapjack Eanes. His current name is Dexter, but we knew right away it didn't fit. We'd always wanted a pet named Pancake, but it again was not quite fitting. As we tried out variations, "The Cake Man," "Ace of Cakes," we somehow settled on "Flapjack," and we think it is quite fitting!

Flaps had his first cat test yesterday at the vet. He did very well, giving a little sniff but no bark and no chase. We are so hopeful he can settle into peaceful life with our babies, Jerome and Sebastian (Jaby and Boo). We have always prided ourselves on giving our cats a sanctuary. So few cats have a truly happy, loved existence. We are very nervous about adding a new member. As my husband always says, "Don't upset a good thing."

But, when we saw this guy on a local rescue site, something about his eyes told us he was meant to be ours. He's stuck in our minds for weeks. Eventually, I talked to Jerome about it, since he is "The Decider" in our house. He agreed that it's the right thing to give as many pets happy homes as we can, and he can't have this little pet heaven to himself anymore. (And yes, I do believe in discussing these things with your pets. I know they don't actually answer, but setting the tone for what is happening is important. I also believe it is possible to receive an intuitive answer when you talk with your pets. Somehow, you just know what they're saying.)

So, with Jaby's approval, we sent in an application. Now that we're decided, we're getting more and more excited. We keep thinking of all the wonderful experiences we'll have with Flapjack as a member of our clan.

Can't wait to tell you more about him as we get to know him better!

The Guide to Mukti (inner freedom)

2011-06-17T13:00:00.000-07:00

Want to know the secret to feeling 100%, absolutely, constantly (okay, sometimes there are set backs) and wonderfully free?

Brought to you by the fabulous Julie Rader, here are the "Tools for Enjoying Peace of Mind Daily:"

Feelings are Not Facts

2011-06-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

This statement - feelings are not facts - is a principal guide to AA. After learning more about the AA process through individual interest, I'm convinced it is a good guide to living life not just for recovering addicts but for all people, everywhere. While the rigidity of "the program" is quite intense for most people, the basic ideas it teaches are very similar to the basic ideas of yoga.

- Observe what is happening without attachment
- Own what you are experiencing rather than covering it up or running from it
- Know whatever you are experiencing will pass
- By observing, owning your experiences and moving through them, you will become more in touch with the real you. You will become (and this is a yoga term, not an AA term) Self-Realized.

Recently, I have been "feeling" a lot. My yogi-self wants to attribute this to the three eclipses this month plus the full moon last night. To be honest, though, it's probably more just me. Just me getting caught up in feelings and taking them as facts. But they're not.

In yoga we teach people to say, "I am experiencing sadness," rather than, "I am sad." Or, "This position is causing discomfort," rather than, "Ouch that hurts." It seems like a bunch of feel good crap sometimes, but it really does work. Detach from feelings. Experience them, but don't take them as reality. Know they will pass, and don't allow your true self to be masked by them.

On Fear & Dreaming

2011-06-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

"If your dreams aren't scary, they aren't big enough."

"Give up something safe and steady for what you really want."

These two things are hitting home with me right now. Over the past four years in Los Angeles, my life has been about settling into comfort. I was moving in with my boyfriend, getting engaged, marrying him, making a home around our friends by the beach. It has been an absolute blast, and it took us from age 23 to 27 in stellar fashion.

But there is a big difference in what you want when you're 23 compared to 27. We're slowly turning the page on that part of our life. It's been happening for awhile, but I never really took full stock of what was going on. We see our friends a little less, work around the house a little more. We go to bed earlier and forget to sleep in. We opt for light dinners as opposed to big nights out. Our big nights out, then, are usually birthdays or, increasingly, bachelor parties and weddings. We're getting older. And I actually like it.

Getting older is only really scary when you're not ready for it, when you feel like there is still some more left to do in your current age or phase of life, and you're getting pulled too quickly into the next. When you're ready for the transition, when you can smile about the change and know you've had a blast along the way, it's not so bad.

Soon (though who knows how soon), we'll be leaving our beach life. We knew all along this wouldn't be where we'd buy our first home; there aren't a lot of starter homes here in Manhattan Beach. We knew the day would come when we'd have to find a new house for our family of four, with a new patio to sit on, a new kitchen to cook in, and new memories to make. The day is coming.

Okay, so it is scary, I lie a little bit. But it's the good kind of scary. The scary that lets me know we're dreaming big and not afraid to give up safety & security for what we really want. Now, if we can just figure out what that is, we'll be ready to jump on board!

Surrender

2011-06-13T13:15:00.000-07:00

Swami Satyananada defines surrender as acknowledging I am not the doer, I am just the body God is working through. This is a really hard place to get to. Most of us know the concept of "surrender," but this deep definition is beyond our grasp.

Last night, I was left with no other option but to surrender. I guess that is when it happens most. The June gloom (or maybe the eclipses, or maybe the post-vacation blues, or maybe being a woman, or maybe who knows what the hell caused it) left me feeling utterly helpless, unable to sleep, uncertain of my life's path.

I was stressed out financially and personally, and didn't know where to turn. As I lay there around midnight after three hours of unsuccessful sleep attempts, I reached my point of surrender. I gave up, asked God to take over, and left it to Him to fix my blues. I slept in past my alarm today, decided to take the day off for rest, and low and behold, one of my clients offered to pay me up front for this month's work. Out of the blue, she said she, "Just wanted to." A bunch of new work orders came in, another one of my clients submitted hundreds of dollars of back pay, and I just felt relief.

The power of leaving it to God will amaze you every single time you can get yourself to do it. Surrendering is the hardest part. Everything after is bliss.

You can find me ...

2011-06-09T11:40:00.000-07:00

On the yoga mat, of course, but there are some other places as well!

Check out my recurring posts on MindBodyGreen. I'm currently sharing "Secrets of a Home Yoga Practice" I learned in my yoga training.

I've been honored with a job (job? not sure I'd call it that) as a community facilitator on Elephant Journal. I'll be leading group discussions which, by the way, you should feel free to join!

I'll keep you posted as I continue to grow my online yoga community.

Reading changes my life

2011-06-07T07:49:00.000-07:00

Pretty much every book I read changes my worldview in some way. This is particularly true when I read books on philosophy or spirituality, which is my genre of choice. I love to hear from masters, to learn in one sitting what they learned in a lifetime. I love to think about the implications of what I have read and try to apply the theories to my life. As you can imagine, this can make me rather unproductive at times.

For that reason, this recent book is really eating me up. Karma Yoga by Swami Vivekananda is an evaluation of the theory of Karma in this world. It's not what you think. Here are the basics he outlines:

Every action, every thought, every impulse you have creates an effect on the world around you
The combined result of these effects is your collective karma
If you love God, you have a duty to try to create positive karma by working ceaselessly in whatever your role is
You should never think of it as a duty, because that implies you are looking for some type of reward in the end
You should detach yourself from the rewards of your work
There is no such thing as "noble" work or "low" work - all work is the same and it should all be performed well
You should understand no action is 100% positive, each action in life has a dark and a light side, everything is positive and negative
Ultimately, whatever action you take, do not delude yourself into thinking you are saving the world. You are only saving yourself. The world is fine without you. It is perfect and always has been. When you help anyone or anything, you are truly only helping yourself and providing yourself with a moral education.

The last part is the most significant to me. Realizing no "good" I do is 100% good, it is always mixed, and even if I did not do that "good" the world would survive keeps my ego in check. If I do any good, and anything works out well, it is all because of the Lord's grace.

First Chakra Affirmation

2011-06-06T11:17:00.000-07:00

"I have a right to be here and take up space."

Repeat it anytime you need to feel your basic rights as a person. The right to have a home, earn a living, and be a part of this world. They are yours and should never be taken away.

But remember, whenever someone is driving you nuts, "He/she has a right to be here and take up space." Just because he/she made different choices about what to do with the space and the right, doesn't take the right away.

Post Vacation Blues

2011-06-03T15:54:00.000-07:00

I just spent a whole week vacationing in the low country of South Carolina. I woke up to watch the sunrise, rode my bike to yoga, spent hours walking the beach with family talking about life, lazed around at the pool, and was surrounded every second by ten people who love me.

Each year, returning from this vacation, I am hit with the feeling of isolation. It will be a year before I see this family again. My nephew, now 6 months, will be well over a year old. He won't remember me at all. And the same thing will happen the next year. We'll all keep up as best as we can by emails and Facebook, but it will never be the same as a big dinner around a crowded table, a family trivia contest or simply washing the dishes together.

My sorrow is always compounded by the fact I ask myself, "Am I doing the right thing?" Is it right for me to be out here in LA, the frenetic energy of this lifestyle, the challenge of simply saving up to own a small home. When I escape to a place where life moves a little slower, I ask what the hell I'm doing. Am I sacrificing too much chasing the California Dream?

I think things may be easier in a small, turn of the century home in Savannah, taking the kids to the community pool in the heat of the summer. I could even get a Golden Retriever instead of one of the smaller, California sized breeds of dog.

It is times like this when I have to return to my mantra: not in this lifetime. The truth is, there are thousands of places I could live and thousands of lives I could lead. My happiness does not depend on any of them. I must simply live the life I've chosen to the best of my ability, enjoying the many incredible things it offers (I do live in Manhattan Beach, afterall, it could be worse!). Yes, it would be wonderful to see my family more often. But I'll count my blessings in enjoying them when I do and pray the time in between passes pleasantly for us both.

The path of Karma

2011-05-25T10:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I blogged about doing everything with intensity and passion. In my reading last night, to no surprise, Swami Satyananda spoke of the same topic. This is seva, karma yoga, the yoga of service. Doing all things in gratitude, finding a meditative state of bliss in each action, and expecting nothing in return.

Swami Satyananda often told my teacher, Julie, that karma yoga is the highest form of yoga. In his writings, he reminds us that many people who are "busy bodies" are ideally suited for this type of yoga practice. If you must be "doing," then in everything you "do," do yoga. Perform each task with focus on the breath, the moment, the senses around you.

While experiencing those senses fully, be only an observer of them, do not let them disrupt your mental state. This is the fifth petal of yoga, pratyahara, or sensory withdrawal. It is important for anyone performing Karma yoga, particularly if the task is "unpleasant."

Remember, you are not the doer. The doer is Brahman (God), working through you. Recognizing this is the true meaning of surrender, and it ultimately will bring about the highest state of bliss you have ever experienced.

Practice Karma yoga. Serve. Love. Be.

Live Your Life Intensely

2011-05-24T08:27:00.000-07:00

I have blogged about this concept before; the need to live life fully and intensely is a thought constantly on my mind. As an adult, I choose how to spend my days. No one is telling me when to get up, what to eat, what to do, when to fall asleep or how much television to watch. I work to make the money I want to but the things I want. I read and study to learn the things I want to learn. I live where I want to live, and I spend time with the people I choose to spend time with. These are all decisions I make daily.

Whenever I'm not doing something to the fullest, then, I ask myself, "Why do it at all?" I don't have to clean my home (I could pay someone for that), I don't have to cook dinner (there are plenty of restaurants), I don't have to write articles for websites that don't pay me, and I don't even have to write for those that do. Each and every one of these things is a choice I make. When I stop feeling passionate about that choice, I should stop making it.

This is particularly true of my current yoga teacher training. It is the first time I've been in a learning environment with a "class" full of people who are there on their own volition. No pressure from parents - in fact, sometimes it is the opposite way around - and no free rides. We all paid, we all give up every weekend day for 10 weeks, and we could all quit at any moment with no consequences.

As I watch our group, I think this only sometimes sinks in. Sometimes, we're just as drawn to cut corners, skip class or forget homework as any high school student would be. Old habits die hard.

It serves as a reminder to me of the way I'd like to raise my own children. I don't want them to experience too many, "Because I said so's." I want them to see there is a choice, and each choice comes with consequences. They can choose not to participate in any number of activities. In fact, even many high school students choose not to participate, greatly underperforming for their academic or athletic potential. This is one option, and it actually may be the better option for many people. Who knows how my children will feel.

But, if they do participate in something, they should do so fully, knowing it is their choice to be there.

Do you "check out" of anything you are doing? If so, ask yourself why you are doing it at all. If you really want to be there, if you want the benefits of your yoga practice, your run or your cooking, be there fully. Stick with it. Live your life intensely.

Half Way There

2011-05-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

I'm half way finished with my latest yoga teacher training. All I can think of is: I need to work harder. I had the best intention of soaking in every second of this training. I came to class the first day with my pencils sharpened - so to speak - and my meditation complete. And, as it always happens, my enthusiasm wore off slightly as the "semester" traveled on. I began becoming a little more lax with my meditations, waiting until the last moment to do the reading, and even missing some practices.

Half way there is the point to remind myself to keep going. It is the point where I often feel, "Eh, I've done enough." Or, "Well, I'd rather do something else." It is the point I have to recommit, refocus, rethink why I originally wanted to do any of this. And then I have to remember my discipline. I have to remember that making things easier is not making them better.

My teacher, Julie Rader, wrote this blog earlier this year. It is important to remember right now:

When you feel like quitting, keep going. This is for anyone doing a yoga challenge, or simply trying to maintain a new year’s resolution. It is the beginning of the fourth week of the year…. the turning point! The old self is whispering in our ears to go back to old comfortable routines. The new self is holding onto ever ounce of willpower to stick with the intended goal. Pushing the snooze button rather than getting out of bed to get to the yoga mat, meditation cushion, or the treadmill will not feel good the rest of the day. Self-discipline is the one characteristic that all successful people have in common. It takes six weeks for the brain to create new neurological pathways. You are more than halfway there! Keep going and stay focused. You will have more energy, self-respect, and new healthy habits when you reach your goal!

Samskaras and the Confirmation Bias

2011-05-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

According to various psychological and scientific studies, the theory of the "confirmation bias" has been confirmed. This phenomenon shows how animals process our surroundings. Namely, we expect a certain environment and situation. As long as something is within that expectation, it causes us no stress. We process it readily. If it is outside of that expectation only marginally, we won't notice it at all. If it is way outside that expectation, we may panic.

This reaction started long ago in evolution as a way to ensure no foreign bodies or predators were in our habitat. We were most likely to notice the things we expected to be there every day. If something was only slightly out of place, we'd ignore it. If something was truly odd, we'd initiate a flight or fight response.

Today, the confirmation bias does not serve us well. It is what allows us to see the good in our friends and the bad in our enemies. It is what leads us to say, "Well, some stereotypes are just true." If we expect all men to be womanizers, for example, we are most likely to register, remember and perhaps even attract those who are. It extends to racism, sexism, and beyond. We expect fat people to be lazy, tall people to be leaders, and foreigners to be illegal immigrants.

In our personal lives, these confirmation biases go even further. If we grew up in a home with a bad father, we expect our own husbands to be bad fathers. We begin to see only those "bad" moments in their parenting and ignore the positive ones. We superimpose the character traits we saw into our own families growing up onto our families today.

Think about it. Think about the people who were most influential in your life, and question what biases they may have passed on to you. Was your mother a gossip? Was she always complaining? Do you expect your wife to do the same? These biases can prevent you from seeing the good in people.

Biases go even deeper than this, into the realm of what yogis call samskaras. Samskaras are deep patterns within our mental programming, usually passed on to us by our society, our teachers and our parents. We notice our samskaras by noticing what bothers us most in others.

For example, I am very bothered by a messy home. When my husband is messy, I begin to get angry with him and may even shut down toward him. Why? Not because the clean home is extremely important to me. Actually, I get angry because I learned growing up a messy home is a sign of carelessness or laziness. But maybe my husband isn't careless or lazy, maybe he doesn't associate a messy home with any of these traits, so to him it is not so bothersome. Maybe he grew up in a home where messiness was a sign of fun and family.

The more I can learn why these habits bother me, the more I can understand my own patterns. I can then choose to accept them or release them. I can ask whether a messy home truly indicates a character flaw; if I think it does not, then I can stop the pattern of stress.

The same thing goes for my relationship towards beautiful women. Growing up, perhaps the pretty girls were mean to me. Today, when I meet a beautiful woman, I may begin to feel those old feelings again, expecting rejection, expecting her to judge me. I may even dislike her. If I realize why I dislike her, because of this confirmation bias or this samskara, I can reject the dislike. I can begin to see her for who she really is. And, if she does happen to be a bitch, I can walk away knowing I at least tried!

Lessons from Sobriety: Month 10

2011-05-13T18:58:00.000-07:00

The biggest and most profound lesson I have learned after 10 months sober is simple: most of us place far too high a priority on alcohol.

I know what you're thinking, "Not me. Drinking is so not a big thing in my life."

How much time do you spend going out drinking, sitting at home drinking, sleeping in cause you had a few drinks, not feeling 100% productive, getting ready to go out drinking or otherwise in some type of drinking-related activity? How often do you put off items you think are priorities in order to go drinking or even just to have a beer?

Drinking is like watching television. Few of us would list it on our top priority list, but most of us spend more time on it than on other items that are indeed our "priorities."

Now that I don't drink, I sleep well every single night, feel 100% every day - or at least never impaired by toxins, and I don't go out unless I truly want to spend time with friends. This usually means I avoid bars ... but I dance my ass off at parties and weddings, when I can really see my friends, talk, relax and enjoy life.

I have so much TIME in my life without alcohol. I am twice as productive, if not more, and I'm thrilled about it. Sobriety has been a great guru. It makes me question what else I prioritize. It forces me to ask, "Could I live without this? Have I become dependent on it?"

When you really think about "going cold turkey" without something in your life, you realize whether it is a big priority to you. If you're scared to quit ... quitting may be just the thing you need. Whether you need to quit caffeine (like I do) or quit television (like this guy I may happen to spend a lot of time with).

Find a Niche

2011-05-12T12:33:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a job, a place, a spot. I'm currently reading "The Shamanic Way of the Bee," and this is the message that clearly comes through. The hive is perhaps the most efficient structure known to man. Not only is it made up of perfect shapes, eliminating any wasted space, each bee has a role he or she performs spectacularly, wholly, completely, and dies when the role is finished. The hive thrives because each gives what he or she was made to give, without questioning.

Find what it is in this great big world that makes you buzz like a bee in the hive, creating the honey of your existence. And stick to it until you no longer fill that role, then move on and fill the next with the same amount of vigor.

As Howard Thurman said:

Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

3 to 30

2011-05-11T08:23:00.001-07:00

My husband turns 27 today. This means we both have three more years to thirty, now, and I must say I'm a little happy each year when he catches up to me. I'm six months older, and this always leaves us with little discrepancies in conversations. "If you want to do that before 30, we only have three more years." "I don't know about you, but I'm only 26." Countless conversations have gone this way over the years.

If you look at your life in a series of three year groupings, it is interesting to see which years changed you most. 18 to 21, not so much. 21 to 24, a little. 24 to 27, bam! What does that mean about 27 to 30? I know this period of time for women is the first Saturn Return, a time of "figuring things out." I can say with certainty the first 6 months of 27 have held true to this prediction. The next 6 months will likely be even more so. What are some things I'd like to figure out?

There are many questions about the future for us, and I'd love to know all the answers, but that would take the fun out of finding them. There is one thing I'd really like to know, where not knowing is no fun at all. Where the heck are we going to live for the next five years of our lives? I'm not asking for much beyond that, just five years. If I knew five years, I could make some plans. But I don't.

I decorate our apartment with items that can be, "moved easily." I, "don't think about moving until we have to, because we will have to shortly." It's all quite frustrating. I know women have a greater urge to nest than men, but I think all men get the bug eventually. Let's hope 27 is the year for this. The year my husband can finally say, "We will move here, and we will live here as long as we can." Would that be all too simple?

Justice Is Not My Job

2011-05-09T07:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I parked my car to head into yoga. It was parked legally on the side of the street delegated for parking. My neighbor, however, decided he didn't want a car in front of his house. He called the police and told them my car was making it hard for him to get in and out of his residence. They had it towed. The police officer told me "you roll the dice parking in Manhattan Beach, it's never clear."

The towing company cannot release my car to me because it is still registered in my maiden name. They are charging money each day to hold the car until I get this fixed; which, if you know California, won't be any time soon. The car is also full of children's books meant to be shipped to the Vuya School District in Fiji to build a library for underprivileged children. I cannot ship the books until I get them back.

My initial reaction, after shock, was to try to screw these people. I wanted to march into city council, show them all the parking violations this person has committed (I've been documenting them. They park in their own yard and put up a "No Parking" sign in front of their car). I wanted to send this person a note telling them about the books, about my situation, saying "I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!" I wanted to tell them I was going to match my expense in donations to charity, just to make them feel REALLY bad.

Then I realized that it is simply not my job to dole out this kind of justice. If I was wrong to park there, I got mine. If they were wrong to have me towed, they'll get theirs. And if I'm not there to witness it, that doesn't mean I should make an extra effort to be.

Reflecting back this negative action with love will be a trying challenge. But, that is what I'm here to do. To give them the benefit of the doubt, to know they have their own "trying challenges," and to believe they do not want to intentionally hurt other people.

... even if they are assholes.

And ....

2011-05-08T13:18:00.001-07:00

Remember those treasures when some ass has your car towed because it was 'making it hard for him to enter his residence.'

QOTD

2011-05-08T10:43:00.000-07:00

"We can only be said to be truly alive when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." (Thorton Wilder)

I truly, madly, deeply believe this. We are here to feel, to experience, to know and to love. If that's not what we were here for, God wouldn't have bothered making us human. Only through consciousness of what makes us happy & full can we really be alive.

Read. Read a lot.

2011-05-07T10:05:00.000-07:00

My primary profession lies in two areas: writing and marketing. To be good at my job, I have to stay current. I need to know who is reading what, when and where. I need to know where people go to get their inspiration, tips and tricks. Thankfully, I live in a post-1982 world, and the Internet is all around me.

I read books, a lot of them, but I also go elsewhere for my knowledge. I engage in what is "surfing the 'net" in the truest sense of the world. I start on CNN.com and the Manhattan Beach Patch, browsing the global and local news of the day. I then go to Elephant Journal and MindBodyGreen for my health and wellness info; after all, this is my industry of choice. Once I've browsed and shared what I find valuable, I head to Twitter and Facebook.

The common misconception is these sites are used to share info about where people ate lunch or whether they have a hangover. True, these posts are there, but if you follow the right people, social networking becomes information sharing. I find most of the interesting news I will read on a given week on Twitter, looking at those pieces my centers of influence recommend. By simply following a few good Twitter feeds, I'm filled with knowledge about science, nutrition, political thought and community consciousness.

It amazes me the amount of knowledge I have at my fingertips simply through reading. It makes me better at my job, but I also think it makes life a lot more interesting. It makes me smarter by the transitive property - I don't need to do the research, I just need to read about the research from someone who has.

Whenever I advise a new client about how to become relevant online, I always start with, "Find out who else is relevant online." If you can find these people, jump in on their conversations, share in their knowledge and - when you get lucky - add a little of your own, you will become notable. You will grow your own followers. And you will add to the collective knowledge we can all share. You may even get a book deal ...

Accept Others Fully

2011-05-06T17:27:00.000-07:00

Swami Satyananda offers this as one of the 6 core principles to living stress free. Understand you are a person acting out previous samskaras (which is a yoga word loosely translated to mean "old issues" formed in child hood and through experience). Understand other people are doing the same. Just working out issues, trying to find happiness through the tools they have been given. Their tolls are different than yours, and therefore their method for happiness.

This was ringing true for me. As a newlywed - when do I stop being newlywed, by the way? - learning to accept my husband fully will be critical to the strength, happiness and longevity of my marriage. Sure, I can fight it the whole way and make it last for years. But don't I want us to stay in love? To be happy together ... not just together? I do. To get there, I have to accept him fully, even when our ideas and goals are different.

Evolution suspended

2011-05-06T15:04:00.000-07:00

As I read about anatomy & physiology in my yoga textbooks, I'm shocked at how perfectly adapted our bodies are for our environment ... 2,000 years ago ... when we were threatened as a species and lived in the wild. I have spoken about this before when discussing ailments of the back, but it holds true for nearly every part of the body: evolutionarily speaking, our bodies have not kept pace with technology. Which is a common sense idea, really, because evolution moves painfully slowly, and technology moves so rapid it will give you whiplash.

This week I'm studying the endocrine and nervous system, specifically the stress response messengers and how the physically impact our bodies. We commonly say things such as "stress weakens the immune system" or "stress raises your blood pressure," but until now I never knew all the chemical reactions taking place to make these statements scientifically true. I didn't know about the hypothalamus, cortisol levels and the adrenal medulla and cortex. I did not know how stress could impact my body 10 days after a stressor.

Reading about all of these systems, I'm struck by how our bodies, designed for a different time, are completely unable to handle current circumstances. As we live in a state of constant stressors, our bodies have no time for the necessary counteractions, the repair cycle, the time when the blood pressure once again drops and our brains can reset based on what we experienced. We don't process, we don't counteract, and we don't recover. In short, all we do is respond. Physically, it is all we have time for.

I always knew yoga helped me feel healthy and happy. I knew it had profound benefits in my struggle with alcohol and in my path toward God. I knew it made me more present, more content, more able to analyze and adjust to a situation. I certainly knew it made me leaner and more flexible. But I didn't know why. I didn't know what was going on in my adrenals, in my hypothalamus, in my cortex. I didn't know how I was giving myself that much needed opportunity to recover from constant stress.

Now that I know, I'm more convinced than ever that yoga was a technique given to all of us as a gift from God thousands of years ago because He knew, some day, we would need it as an essential tool for self care and world cures. Are there other tools? Sure. But, in my opinion, they are shadows of the ultimate tool. The one method that gives us all we need - mentally and physically - without resulting in any amount of negative side effects.

I am so thankful for yoga. And for my body, as suspended as it may be in evolution.

My perfect day

2011-05-04T08:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was quite possibly the most perfect day I could imagine. I woke up to 80 degree sunny weather, plenty of work, lots of energy and a happy house. After working the morning away, I got an assignment to report on gifts and venues for Mother's Day celebration; this meant a trip around Manhattan Beach!

Starting at my yoga studio, heading to the restaurant where I'm a regular, then walking down the beach about a mile in the sunshine, I gawked at the clear skies allowing me to see the mountains of Malibu and all the way to Catalina Island. The pelicans were diving aggressively into a school of fish while stand up paddlers grazed by them gracefully.

After washing my feet in a beach side shower, I proceeded to the Farmer's Market for lunch and Mother's Day gift searching. It seemed everywhere I turned on my way I saw a familiar face, someone to say hello to, someone who asked, "How are you today?" and genuinely wanted to know. I dined on a fresh tamale and lemonade squeezed right before my eyes while musicians played for tips and children screamed ecstatically in the fountains. After I finished, I took my stroll through the booths, stopping to chat with my favorite "pesto man" and "vegetarian Korean man" before picking up my organic cane juice elixir. While purchasing daikon and tempah, I ran into members of my yoga family who told me how much they loved my recent article or video. These people make you feel better than your grandma can.

A few photos snapped, and I was on my way back to the car. This time I took the road less travelled down the wood chip path, through the quaint neighborhood, and up the ramps and steps of Sand Dune Park. The serene surroundings put me in a meditative state as I began to thank God for the blessings of my life. For the ability to walk to the farmers market, to taste the food, to see the water and feel the sunshine. For the chance to live in a place where I feel at home and where my community knows and supports me. For the dreams that lay ahead of one day moving into one of those houses in the quaint neighborhood ... one day ... we'll see.

Childhood has a way of enveloping you, seeming as it is all there is and it will never end. This is what makes childhood so happy. Well, at least if you had a happy childhood, and I did at times more than others. I believe we spend much of our adult lives trying to recapture that feeling of "everything will be taken care of by the grown ups, I am here to play." If we cannot capture it ourselves, we try to recreate it for our children. Very few of us succeed in ever feeling the endless bliss we felt when we were kids.

On days like this, I can. I have the same feeling that everything is right, and I have nothing I need to do at any moment. The reason I can feel this way is because it is true. Rather than the "grown ups" taking care of it all, I know God is taking care of it all. I am here to play.

Okay, okay, I cried

2011-05-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

Well, I actually kind of cry a lot, so it's not that big an event. I cry at commercials, the news, sweet songs, in the card aisle at the grocery and when my cats look at me. It's a bit of a problem. I don't bawl, I don't shake or lose control, just little tears through a smile, a deep breath, and on we go.

But, last night I cried in yoga, which hasn't happened in awhile. And not in savasana or meditation, either. I cried in Warrior II with eagle arms. I cried while my thighs were on fire and my shoulders were burning. I cried as I took my legs into a wide leg forward fold and came up into headstand without any hands (yes, I actually did that pose, and yes, I cried during it.) Not quite "cried" in the literal sense I guess. I started feeling I was going to cry, but since I was in Warrior, not pigeon, I couldn't quite let it flow. So, I tried to stop myself from crying.

In turn, I was pretty certain I'd just throw up. It was either cry or throw up. Or, as it turns out, laugh. Which I then did, and it all seemed to work itself out. Why was I having such an emotional response?

Yesterday, I wrote a quick article on Elephant Journal about poses to calm conflict in these crazy times. Last night in class, Julie incorporated two of the three poses I recommended. I was crying not because I was emotional or sad, but because I had actually chosen correctly, because I had truly designed a sequence that elicited the emotional reaction I was going for when I wrote it out. When I practiced the poses I had written about, I suddenly felt what it really meant to "be my own true guru."

Someday, I will be able to help heal people through yoga. This is worth crying about. Or puking about. Or simply laughing over. How wonderful.

On this sad day

2011-05-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

On this sad day, I watch as my fellow men stop being fellow men and become "countrymen."
On this sad day, I watch those who are quick to excuse their own faults but faster still to condemn others.
On this sad day, I see the lessons of Ghandi and King cast aside in the name of patriotism.
On this sad day, I see the ugly face of global connectivity where a word, a phrase, a thought is quickly broadcast across the world, regardless of the lack of care construing it.

Tonight, I hope this changes. We have suffered little. While public safety at times merits unfavorable actions, let us not forget they remain unfavorable. I hope we begin to realize we should not be asking God to bless the United States, but to bless all people everywhere. We are all victims of terrorism and suffering. We are all victims of hatred and fear. In reality, the USA is the least of the victims. Yes, we have suffered at the hands of evil, but we have suffered far less than those living in countries where evil has taken up permanent residence. We have schools, buses, highways and freedom of religion. We have running water and electricity. We have an uncensored Internet. We have equal rights for men and women. We have the freedom to pursue education, employment, the arts, and athletics without fear of persecution.

I never thought I'd be a white flag waving pacifist. But, the more contact I have with God and my Self, the more I know I am not here to be an American, a woman or a Republican. None of us are. "We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness." (Thich Nhat Hanh) We are here to know God in everyone, regardless of His present shape. We are here to believe, fully and truly, that each and every man has the capacity for change, the capacity for good because each man embodies God. If not in this life, then in the next. When we stop believing that, we lose all purpose for living.

Leave room for fun!

2011-05-01T08:55:00.000-07:00

Always. Always set aside time to walk the beach without a watch. Always call an old friend and use up all your plan minutes. Always spend four hours at brunch the morning after a long night. Always turn up the music too loud when you're driving down the coast. And always (ALWAYS) dance. You never know when it may be your last chance to throw your hands in the air.

I have had two Saturdays in a row with opportunities to just get up, shake around and sing way too loud. In my special way, I let neither slip between my fingers. I moved until I could move no longer. Until my knees were bruised, my feet were sore, my abs hurt from shaking my hips, and my husband said, in his special way, "It's time to go home."

The first was a mala last weekend with live drumming. This is how much fun I had:


Being lead through Thai Chi energy releases by a live drummer.


Doing what my teacher calls "getting tribal with it." I interpret tribal as getting down on the floor.

If there were photos from last night's Cinco de Mayo party, I can bet they would actually be quite a bit more telling. Bonfires, beach sand, a dance floor, and nine great friends pulling out all the stops like no one was watching (They were. Quite a few people. We were interviewed for the club newspaper.)

I felt 19 again. Except sober. And wearing much more appropriate clothing. When my husband asked if I was danced out, I replied in the only way I could, "I can't be. You just never know when it will be your last chance to dance." With that, he joined me on the floor.

On the way home, as we laughed and prank phone called (true), a friend said, "You were actually on your knees pounding fist first on the dance floor. I took a mental picture so I could recount it later, which is now."

To this, another replied, "That's what I love about you. You're like 'Yea, I'm a vegetarian, but I'll still dance ... (indiscernible words, slurring, potentially falling asleep)' ... like 'I'm not drunk, I'm healthy!"

This was perhaps the greatest compliment I've ever received. I loved knowing that, despite being sober, meat-free, and wearing a dress that fell below my butt-cheeks, I was just as much fun as ever. While my body is certainly reminding me today I am not, in fact, 19 again, every single moment, every song, every time I threw my hands up, jumped up and down, hit the floor, got low, and "got tribal with it," was worth it.

We are here to serve God. But, He has given us this chance to be human so we may experience it fully. So we may cry, love, fail, excel, recognize our greatest potential and ... dance. Most certainly God wants us to dance!

Sadhana

2011-04-30T08:20:00.000-07:00

Do you have a sadhana? A sadhana is a specific daily ritual, typically performed first thing in the morning. It shouldn't be something like "brush my teeth." Anything you do without thinking is, by definition, not a sadhana. A sadhana is purposeful. It is made to manifest specific emotions, benefits or states of mind.

At times in my life when I have made and kept a sadhana, I have been most amazed with the results. Lately, one of my teacher training assignments has been daily sadhana of a full run with the neti pot (don't hate until you've tried), the Five Tibetans, 5 rounds of sun salutations and a 5 minute zen meditation. It takes about 20 minutes to get through the whole thing.

Twenty minutes each morning before email, before text messages, before checking CNN.com. Twenty minutes to myself, to invigorate my body, purify my sinuses, and think about what I want from my day. More importantly, it is the time I ask God what he wants. Paramahansa Yogananda says in The Law of Success, "Since God is the source of all mental power, peace and prosperity; do not will and act first, but contact God first."

How amazing is that concept. Start everything by first contacting God. First seeking guidance and understanding about what you are about to do, whether you should do it, and how you should do it. Make this a part of your sadhana, and your wavering mind will quickly be put at rest. You will stop asking, "Argh should I have done this? Would it have been better to go the other route?" You will know you chose carefully, wisely, using the direction of the source of your power.

Try this affirmation, also from The Law of Success, if you need help getting there:

Heavenly Father, I will reason, I will will, I will act; but guide Thou my reason, will and activity to the right thing that I should do.

Let's go fly a kite

2011-04-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

I grew up very sheltered and fairly spoiled. It was rare for me to have to face the true consequences of my actions and decisions. Right or wrong, my life was what it was. However, one thing my life was not was "real life."

In real life, adults have to weigh consequences of every single decision. They must learn a penny spent "here" is a penny that cannot be spent "there." I learned this when my parents cut me off. Cold, hard, cut off, the day I graduated college. Then, I learned it again when I decided to move to LA and the "cut off" went full force.

See, while I was living in St. Louis, I was supporting myself, but I had few "real world" expenses as of yet. My parents had purchased me a car sometime ago, and I was still on their car insurance. I paid them a few hundred dollars a month. I didn't have big medical expenses, I was living in a low cost area, and life still felt protected under the umbrella of recent graduation money.

When I decided to move, my parents made the decision to take away some of the gifts they had previously given me. One of those gifts was my car. I let it go, purchased a new one, got my own car insurance outside of their protection, and went about sourcing everything else on my own as well. I took out a loan for a computer I'd need, took on my own cell phone plan, and began cost comparing independent medical, dental and vision insurance as it was not provided for me by an employer.

Since then, I have turned 25, greatly reducing my car insurance expense, and been married to a man who has employer-provided health care. The combination of these changes has lead me to a new financial position, one of a proud (drum roll, big drum roll) owner of my car, computer and all items in my name. Yes, as of this month, I am 100% debt free.

While it was nice driving my leather-seated, high end, huge SUV/truck crossover, I take more pride in my teeny, subcompact, no frills sedan than I ever did in that vehicle. I bought this for myself. I paid off a whole loan. And I insured it myself all the while. I'm a big girl.

The biggest lesson of this whole experience has been: life is expensive. Want a car? Cha-ching. Want a computer? Cha-ching. Want pets? Cha-ching. Every time I'm hit with a $400 brake maintenance bill, a $600 car insurance bill, medical costs for my cats, my renter's insurance payment, my water bill and my trash bill, parking tickets, not to mention rent, I cannot believe how much it costs just to live. Just to have a house over my head.

But, I pay the bills. All of them. On time. And the sense of pride I get from being an independent adult, living and paying for a life - with my husband, of course, who builds this world with me - is unbelievable.

When we make ends meet and have enough left over for a Costco run, some patio furniture and a vacation, I cannot help but feeling like a kid who finally watches his kite lift off the sand on the beach. "We're doing it! Look at it soar!" I have this sense we must keep going, we cannot revel too much, or the kite will slowly fall back down to the ground. We have to keep moving, keep an eye on it all, but the brilliance of watching our kite dance is very worth the work.

High high, low low

2011-04-28T11:59:00.000-07:00

My life has always been a story of high highs and low lows. It is in part due to my personality: I rarely do anything "medium." I'm 100% or 0%. The Sagittarius in me. The fire sign. On or off, burning or diminished, nowhere in between.

I try to temper this in my adulthood. Knowing my tendency toward these two extremes, I watch myself closely, looking for signs I'm taking things in one direction or the other. But, man, the high highs feel so good, it's sometimes hard to catch them before I sink low.

I used to be concerned this was a mental health issue. I no longer believe that is the case. I think it is my energy, my natural body and the way it uses prana (life force). When I have some, I expend it. In running or soccer, we refer to this as "emptying the tank." I learned my whole life there was nothing worse than having some "left in your tank" at the end of a race or a game. It meant you didn't go hard enough, did not leave it all out there on the field.

So, after 27 years of attempting to always leave my tank on empty at the end of the day, I am not very good at ensuring I have reserve fuel. Yesterday, I was completely out of gas. I could do nothing but lay in bed. This was partly due to a very bad eye prognosis (no more contacts for me, ever) on Tuesday. I have wrestled with eye conditions my entire life. I have a genetic condition called Thygeson's disease, which is like small lumps on my cornea. I was born with it, and it creates extreme sensitivity.

Contacts are actually good for this problem as they can protect the eyeball. Unfortunately, I am also blessed with inflammatory eyelid problems. When I wear contacts, the undersides of my lids become inflamed, rubbing against the contacts constantly. Which, in turn, causes more inflammation, discomfort and is, low and behold, bad for my Thygeson's.

So here I am, dropping my eyes 6 times a day, never allowed to wear contacts, and an active athlete. Not the best Tuesday. Not the best Wednesday. Hitting the refresh button for Thursday, hoping I can swing in the other direction.

The journey: yoga teacher training

2011-04-25T17:01:00.000-07:00

For about a year, I've been on a journey to become a certified yoga teacher. I wanted to take it slow, ensure I was ready for each step, and soak in everything I could possibly learn along the way. Needless to say, no 3-week immersion training for this girl. Just workshop after workshop, elective after elective, class after class for about a year.

And only now, at the end of it all, am I taking my foundation classes. It's kind of like taking a bunch of 301 classes before 101 classes. A little backwards. Nonetheless, this is the final step for my "graduation" and certification. It will last 10 weeks, and these 10 weeks will be the most "yoga intensive" I've ever had. That's saying a lot in my life ;)

I'm going to be sharing the process on my blog, mostly for my own interest, but also to answer questions in case anyone has ever wondered if yoga teacher training is just a big scam (part of it is, in my opinion, and I'll get to that).

I'm completing my training through Mukti Yoga School, founded by my wonderful guru and friend, Julie Rader. Julie is certified directly under Shiva Rea and lead Shiva Rea trainings in the past. So, she is influenced by the "Prana Flow" tradition, but this training is in the Hatha Yoga tradition with elements of Anusara. My specific teachers are Wendy Garafalo and Linda Baffa, two senior instructors with Mukti Yoga, and two women I am blessed to have in my life. The amazing Matthew Rothert will also be assisting ... if you live in LA, you have to meet Matt sometime. It is worth any drive or trip to one of his classes!

In my first week, we reviewed the 5 Tibetans, Sun Salutations and a few meditations we will incorporate every single day of the training. In our own time, we'll complete these as a sadhana. While I look forward to this, I have been doing similar sadhanas for several months, so it is not as much of a shock to me as it is to my fellow trainees who just learned the Tibetans for the first time last week.

That said, having class three times last week, plus my regular practice, plus sadhana, plus a mala on Saturday, made this an intense week (and my in-laws were in town, so there was just a little added action!). My blood was boiling in my skin by the time I awoke on Sunday. I'm sure Easter and the spirit of Christ had a little to do with that - the perfect culmination to such a week.

I noticed I was eating very little, full of energy, and intensely focused on what I had to do to manage my busy schedule. At times, I felt as if I was floating through all of it. It is the first time I had that feeling in a very, very long while, and I couldn't decide whether I liked it or not. I'm beginning to wonder whether this experience will awaken my Kundalini, the yogic name for "highest potential."

The Kundalini Awakening is both a personal and a spiritual experience, bringing you the closest you've ever come to God, then sending you back to your body with a renewed sense of purpose, in touch with all you are capable of. I have been trying to manifest this in my life for some time, eating appropriate foods, avoiding any harmful chemicals (alcohol, any type of smoke, artificial sweeteners, meat) for about 6 months. It's not something I usually tell people, since many Westerners think of a Peyote or acid trip when I talk about it.

In reality, it's more like a person going away for awhile to a monastery, a mission trip or another experience, coming back a new person with a clearer sense of purpose. Except I cannot get away for the time being, so I'm trying to get the same effects right here in Manhattan Beach. It is my sincere hope this teacher training will take me there.

* I would recommend further reading on Kundalini awakening, but everyhing I can find online is far to simple (or weird) to be useful. The best resource is Swami Satyananda's Kundalini Tantra - a 500 page text book. I'm guessing you don't all want to read that ;)

The joys of beets

2011-04-25T13:10:00.000-07:00

If you don't like beets, try them again. Many of us think we don't like them because of the way we are used to having them - from a can, with cottage cheese, all of the nasty 1950s ways. Just because that's how we used to eat beets (and we also used to make casserole with marshmallow fluff, so there's room for improvement) does not mean that's how beets taste today. Golden beets, often called "summer beets," are a great alternative to read beets, and yum, yum, yum! They are earthy and refreshing.

This is a delicious golden beet salad recipe I have been abusing - as in eating three times a week - lately.

Ingredients:
- a few healthy handfuls of wild arugula or dandelion greens (it is okay if you like something less spicy, but I think the spice of these leaves balances the salad)
- 2 good size golden beets or 3 small golden beets
- a few ounces of goat cheese
- shelled pistachios (about 15-20 depending on how hungry you are)
- S&P, balsamic, EVOO to taste

Prepare:
- Roast the beets. This takes about 1.5 to 2 hours depending on the size. You can do so in a roasting pan, partly covering the beets in water. However, the easiest way is to trim & clean the beets, set them on a pillow of aluminum foil, add a little EVOO, S&P, wrap the foil, and roast at 375 degrees for about 1.5 to 2 hours. Treat them like a head of garlic, and you'll be good. Once they come out of the oven, simply pull off the skin. It should come right off when they're ready.
- Slice the beets in 1/4 inch segments or quarter them. I think slicing looks prettier.
- Arrange the arugula, beets, and pistachios on a salad plate
- Top with generous dollops of goats cheese, to taste, enough to get a little with each bite
- Season with S&P
- Dress with a touch of EVOO and balsamic

This serves 1 ... which is the number of people who will eat beets in my house.

Yum.

He is Risen!

2011-04-24T10:05:00.000-07:00

In the past many years, I have drifted in and out of the Christian faith. I appreciated it, but I began to believe there were other religions more closely in line with my perception of ultimate reality. I explored Hinduism and Buddhism, and I found it more satisfactory to experience a religion where God was everywhere, always, in all things beautiful, than one where he could only be known through one man who lived 2011 years ago.

I am currently reading Life of Pi, and in the book's description of Christianity, I found a renewed understanding of it's glory. The boy, Pi, is visiting with a Priest. He has no previous exposure to Christianity, so he asks natural questions about what Christians believe. He hears the story of the cross, and this is his response:

"He told me a story. Or rather, since Christians are so fond of capital letters, a Story.

And what a story. The first thing that drew me in was disbelief. What? Humanity sins but it's God's Son who pays the price? ... What a downright weird story. What peculiar psychology. I asked for another story, one that I might find more satisfying. Surely this religion had more than one story in its bag - religions abound with stories. But Father Martin made me understand that the stories that came before it - and there were many - were simply prologue to the Christians. Their religion had one Story, and to it they came back again and again, over and over. It was story enough for them. ...

It was wrong of this Christian God to let His avatar die. That is tantamount to letting a part of Himself die. For if the Son is to die, it cannot be fake. If God on the Cross is God shamming a human tragedy, it turns the Passion of Christ into the Farce of Christ. The death of the Son must be real. Father Martin assured me that it was. But once a dead God, always a dead God, even resurrected.

The Son must have the taste of death forever in His mouth. The Trinity must be tainted by it; there must be a certain stench at the right hand of God the Father. The horror must be real. Why would God wish that upon Himself? Why not leave death to the mortals? Why make dirty what is beautiful, spoil what is perfect?

Love."

He goes on to compare this story to that of his own religion, one where Gods change forms, amaze, revel in their own splendor. He says:

"That is God as God should be. With shine and power and might. Sash as can rescue and save and put down evil.

This Son, on the other hand, who goes hungry, who suffers from thirst, who gets tired, who is sad, who is anxious, who is heckled and harassed, who has to put up with followers who don't get it and opponents who don't respect Him - what kind of a god is that? It's a god on too human a scale, that's what. There are miracles, yes, mostly of a medical nature, a few to satisfy hungry stomachs; at best a storm is tempered, water is briefly walked upon. If that is magic, it is minor magic ... Any Hindu god can do a hundred times better. This Son is a god who spent most of His time telling stories, talking. This Son is a god who walked, a pedestrian god - and in a hot place, at that - with a stride like any human stride, the sandal reaching just above the rocks along the way; and when He splurged on transportation, it was a regular donkey. This Son is a god who died in three hours, with moans, gasps and laments. What kind of a god is that? What is there to inspire in this Son?

Love."

I get it now. I get the majesty of the story of Christ. I get it's uniqueness not because I have not studied other religions, but because I now have, and I, like Pi, see this as the most unbelievable story there is. Mostly because of its believability. Christ did not shrink the world to hold it in the palm of his hand, he did not manifest fire from air, he did not change the oceans to steel, he did not sprout twelve heads, he was not made up of a monkey or an elephant crossed with a human. None of these tricks. He walked. He told stories. He helped people.

Yogananda says God sent Christ to Earth out of a "desire to furnish humanity with a concrete example of its own possibilities." So God became a man. He suffered. He showed us what we - normal men - are capable of.

This story rocks my existence. It brings me to tears. It connects me with my God and every human on Earth. It connects me with this day, Easter, and it reminds me of my own possibilities.

I love Christ. I love God. And, man oh man, do I love the life He has given me.

The gift of fitness

2011-04-23T09:09:00.000-07:00

I am blessed to be able to exercise every single day. I sweat, a lot, and push myself hard, breathing through every challenging minute. Most of the times, I manage a smile as I go.

Taking this time every day is the most selfish action I enjoy. I feel lucky and blessed to have it, and if you think I'm crazy, well, I'll tell you why I'm not.

My friend Lowell is fighting lymphoma. He loves yoga, but he often does not have the strength to move through an entire class. Yesterday, as I practiced next to him, I could not help but feel lucky to be doing what I was doing. And I also felt a sense of duty to keep on doing it as long as I was able, not taking a second of my life or my health for granted.

There is no guarantee I will not get into an accident, come down with an illness, or otherwise lose my ability to enjoy physical fitness ... tomorrow, it could all be taken away from me. How would I feel if I had skipped my daily workout? If I had "half assed" it. I would wish I could take it back. I would wish I held that plank just a little longer, breathed just a little deeper, sweat just a little more.

When I practice yoga, I think of each breath as my potential last. I remind myself constantly this practice is a gift, and it is one that could be taken away from me. My youth, my strength, my flexibility, my awareness, these are all temporary physical gifts my soul can enjoy for a short period of time. I want to soak in every down dog, every mile on the pavement, every breath of my Tibetans.

If you want to motivate yourself to get fit, think about it this way. What if you were all of a sudden unable to exercise? Would you regret missing today? Now, get out an sweat!

Family Ties

2011-04-21T14:19:00.000-07:00

In some religions, there is a belief you choose your parents before you are born, and they have to agree to take you. I never believed this, because I honestly could never believe picking, out of all the Brad and Angelinas of the world, my complicated, challenging, not-always-so-nice family.

But, the belief is not that you will pick the easiest family, the happiest family, or even the best family. The belief is that you will pick a family that can teach You - the big You, the eternal You - exactly what You need to know in this life.

From this perspective, my family sure fits the bill. They have taken me from the place I did not want to be to the place I know and love today. It is my family who has shaped me most, picked the battles I would have to fight, and made it difficult, at times, for me to fight them.

And my family keeps growing - this time I have picked them in the much more definitive way - by marrying them. I married my husband, chose his parents, his brother, his extended family and relatives, and all their future prodigy, to be one with me in this life. I love them dearly, and I have no doubt they will continue to make me the person I need to be by the time I leave this world.

Family is just awesome. Why did you pick yours?

The Open Road

2011-04-18T19:16:00.000-07:00

Anniversaries are a time to think about ... time. On the ride home from Yosemite this weekend, hubbs and I got to talking about time. I asked him if he used to think ahead in his life to where he would be at 30.

"Sure. But, when I was 20, I'd remember what I thought 20 would be like at 15, and I knew it was a total guess. I'd never have thought I'd be at Wash U, living in St. Louis, in love." And so on. "And at 20, I'd never guess that at 27 I'd be in LA, working in insurance, with a wife." He said something like, "I guess that's what I enjoy most about thinking about time, knowing I have absolutely no idea what is ahead of me. I like knowing you can always just do something new and different."

To this I answered, "But it's not always a conscious reinvention. Usually, it's little changes along the line, and all of a sudden, 10 years later, it all seems crazy!" And that is the truth. The little decisions today grow and grow, and all of a sudden life has you somewhere you could have never predicted or even imagined.

I'm at a time when my life is ahead of me as an open road. It won't always be that way. At some point, I'll realize the vast majority of my twists and turns are behind me. That life, actually, will be pretty predictable in the future.

I realize this by talking to my grandparents. They are over 80, and life has pretty much dealt them their cards. I imagine how they must look back on the time when they were celebrating their first anniversary, how they think about the days when life was an open road. It is bittersweet to think about. I know it must bring a twinge of sadness to them.

On my one year anniversary, I think back on my life, but I also think back on the lives that have passed before me. I wonder what they thought life would bring them. I wonder if it did. I wonder what the biggest thrills were, the wildest curves, the saddest letdowns. I wonder, if they wrote the cliffs notes, what would make the cut. And I wonder how much of that they could have predicted back when they were 27.

My grandparents, Wilma and John, at my wedding last year.

I'm sure they think back on 27 with a happy smile through tears, the same way I look forward to 80. Time passes. It is beautiful, but it is also sad. Someday, I'll also look back on 27.

But, I believe when I am their age, and I know my story has pretty much been written, I will find sheer joy looking at my grandchildren getting started at writing their own. It will please me to see how life goes on, how love continues, how my family will live well beyond me.

1 year, 3 years, 6 years, years, years, years

2011-04-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

This weekend I celebrate my one-year wedding anniversary! Looking back, I am in awe of how time plays with me. There is no way the wedding was a whole year ago ... feels like three months ago. There is also no way I have only been a wife for 12 months ... feels like three years ago. Time does this, especially when you really pay attention.

Three years ago, my now husband and I were moving into our current home. As we rode along in the Uhaul, Coldplay's Viva la Vida played seemingly on repeat. It was the song of the day. We were singing with the windows down, and my husband said to me, "Someday, when you hear this song, you'll remember this time in your life." It just came on my iPod, and man do I remember. I remember pulling into the garage, taking the cat out of the carrier for the first time. I remember building the Ikea furniture, putting away the dishes, preparing our first meal (frozen spaghetti and meatballs - remember every flavor) in the new home.

And as we sat there three years ago, we were looking back even further. We were reminding each other of three years before that, now six years ago, when we first met. The time we first kissed, how I stole his hat (yes, I actually stole his hat ... I was 21 years old), how we took a nap that one day, how he said "I love you," how we talked on the phone while spending the summer apart. It seems so long ago, but it seems like yesterday.

As the years go by, as they inevitably will, I love that I remember these things. I love the way my mind attaches smells, songs and feels to each moment. I love how those senses can bring me right back to the spot in his arms on his futon in the college fraternity house. I love how those same senses can take me twenty years in the future, to graduating our children from high school and setting off on retirement adventures. I love the way my mind can understand the passage of years and, because I know it all will pass, how I can learn to appreciate this night, right now.

I am thawing our wedding cake. I just wrote my first anniversary card. I am washing his boxers for the who knows how many times. The garage door just went up, announcing his return from work, and I love the sound. I love the way the cats go running to it. I love that I'll remember this moment.

In case you haven't noticed ... I'm in love.

Love is a full time job

2011-04-12T07:57:00.000-07:00

7 to 10 hours a week.

Did you know this is the average amount of time a man adds to a woman's life? When you move in with a man, expect 7 to 10 extra hours of work each week of your life.

I would say to take all of your laundry, grocery shopping, dish washing and bathroom cleaning and double it, but the reality is you should triple it. In my experience, and in the experience of all women I have ever spoken with, men have the ability to use twice as much of everything (clean clothes, clean dishes, cereal or toilet paper) as their female counterparts. They are extra dirty. You have never seen a toilet or a shower like this. Step up the time spent scrubbing; triple it.

With my husband out of town four of the seven days this week, I can't help but notice all the spare time I have. I literally have 2 or 3 more hours a day to do whatever I want. I can practice more yoga, spend more time reading, meditate, sip tea, go for walks, talk on the phone, write letters, work on projects. It is wonderful.

But I miss him dearly.

I miss his messy soap in the bathroom. I feel his absence in the lack of dishes, in how long the roll of toilet paper is lasting. I have done five loads of laundry, and now there is no more, and the empty basket seems so sad. I have only cooked, really cooked, once this week. It was nice for a day, but for four days, it is deafening.

For 10 hours a week, I am blessed to care for the man I love dearly. In gratitude, I get to pack his lunch, cook his dinner, pick up his dirty socks. In return, I receive the emotional and physical support I so need. The companionship no one else can offer. The laughter and the fun and the compliments on my butt in those pants. The cats miss him, too. My normally peaceful pets are in a state of rare anxiety, running around the house crying for him.

10 hours a week is the time it takes to support and love a man. How many hours a week does it take to support and love a woman? My guess would be 168. I need full-time support. I'll never ask him to do my laundry, clean up my make up mess or dust my end table. But I will ask him to be there, anytime I need him, 168 hours a week. Anytime I cry, doubt, or worry. Anytime I need an extra boost to feel special. And he will be.

Thoughts from the inner space

2011-04-10T09:32:00.000-07:00

Despite my best efforts to never be "too busy" for anything, I have been too busy for a lot of things lately. Between traveling, running my business and managing my home, my free time has been dwindling, and I spend most of it on the yoga mat or in my husband's arms. Not a bad life, really.

This weekend, I only worked one shift, got most of my housework done early, and had the rest of the time ... drum roll ... to myself. Hubbs is out of town. This means I got to sit in my newly fashioned zen garden, drink tea, and think about life. Perhaps my favorite thing to do. So many thoughts rushed in when I had this time to sit and think. Here are the most important:

My father and I danced to Darius Rucker's "It Won't Be This Way for Long" on my wedding day. The song is about watching children grow up through the many phases of life. Though they are at times challenging, it is important to remember that, if you wish away the challenges, you are also wishing away the good stuff that comes along with each phase. The song makes me cry. Every single time. The lump forms, the tears slip out, and I'm bawling by the end. It is an important reminder of the significance of the present moment. Enjoy it.
Everything that happens was meant to happen. The phrase "Sometimes it's meant to be" makes no sense; it is always meant to be. This is the way of the universe. Look back on your life and think about the times you had a choice to make. At this point, doesn't the choice seem so obvious? How could you have ever gone the other way? This is the truth about picking a college, a sorority (I know, important stuff), a city to live in, an apartment to call home, or a cat at the adoption center. Looking back, there was one obvious choice. We confuse the concept of "free will" with the ability to change the course of our karma, fate or life, whatever term you use. We often think we can actively "choose" our destiny. We can't. The universe, God, karma, chooses it for us. Free will only means we can choose whether that course is one of happiness, fulfillment, contentment and joy or one of depression, anxiety, lack and sadness. We can choose whether to serve others or have them serve us. We can choose to care, to love, to help or to deny the universe all of these blessings. This is the real free will.
If we work for the greater good, if we ask God (again, use any word you want here) what He needs from us, abundance will come our way. This is the "Law of Success." Paramhansa Yogananda offers this prayer to remind us of this basic rule:

The Lord created me in His image. I will seek HIm first, and make sure of my actual contact with Him; then, if it be His will, may all things - wisdom, abundance, health - be added as part of my divine birthright. I want success without measure, not from earthly sources but from God's all-possessing, all-powerful, all-bountiful hands.

Meditation is the single best way to understand all of these things. It is the route to living present. The way to come to terms with the pre-destination of our life's path, and the way to choose happiness regardless of that path. It is the way to ask God what he needs, and it is the way to seek contact with Him to receive his blessings. Many people have preconceptions of what meditation is or means. Forget all of them. Learn from a master how to meditate, how to truly connect with the Self within you and forget the self on the outside. For you, this may be active meditation, playing the violin, taking a walk, running a marathon. For others, it will be sitting in lotus posture on a mountain top. The beauty of meditation is in its many forms. Find one that works.

And, if you need help finding one, comment on my post or message me, I'll send you a good tool ;)

Why I Don't Eat Meat

2011-04-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

When I tell people I'm a vegetarian, I get one of two questions. First, there is the ever-present, "How do you get your protein," which I have stopped answering. Second, there is the perhaps worse question, "Why?"

These questions are natural and would not be difficult for me to answer if I thought the person asking ever truly wanted me to answer. Usually, the asker is someone with his or her own ideas about a proper diet. I have my own as well, so I can understand that. So, I usually try to just brush it off. At times, the asker persists, though, so I try to put it to words.

My answer to "Why?" is not because I've read the Skinny Bitch book or the China Study (though I have read them both). It is not because I think I'll be skinnier or healthier without meat (though studies show I probably will be). My answer to "Why?" is much more complicated than that. I have a hard time clearing it up in a simple statement.

Then I read a passage in Autobiography of a Yogi last night that clarified the way I felt; I love when a good book can do that for you. Yogananda is recounting his meeting with Ghandi. I always knew Ghandi was a great leader and a great man, but I saw him through the eyes of my history books and never through the eyes of a yogi saint. I received a whole new perspective reading Yogananda's words.

Ghandi innately believed in the goodness of man and the simple notion that man was capable of change; man as a whole was capable, and each and every man within that whole was also capable. He did not believe weapons should be a last resort when all else failed but, rather, that weapons and war had already failed. Now, as a "last resort," man should seek peace.

In one passage of the book, Ghandi is describing his oath of non-harmfullness to other men and to all creatures. According to this oath, he was prepared to shed his own body and blood, like Jesus, prior to shedding that of another living thing. The reason? Violence begets violence. Harming another is only harming ourselves. If we are one, then I should be prepared to die prior to killing you.

Ghandi believed God gave us (man) this Earth, the animals and all of its bounty to our use. He also believed God gave us the supreme ability to reason, understand and control our gifts so we may be good stewards of all we have received. We are the protectors, the only beings here with the ability to truly understand how our actions affect the Earth and its creatures. It is our duty to care for the animals and the planet.

Look what we have done.

He gives the example of the cow, sacred in the Hindu faith. I never previously understood how such an animal could be sacred. I grew up in Pennsylvania, where cows littered the sides of highways grazing pastures every few hundred yards; they were so commonplace to me, one of my first words was "moocow."

Needless to say, Ghandi's explanation was a new way of thinking. He explains how the cow is the mother to countless children of this Earth, providing them milk so they will be healthy and strong. He talks about the way the cow takes over when mothers no longer can, how the cow provides not just milk but butter, cheese, and a plethora of offerings to men. How many people would starve, die or fail to thrive without the cow's bounty?

Look what we have done to the cow.

As Americans, we prize our dogs. We say they are "man's best friend." We shudder at the thought they would be slaughtered and killed or - heaven forbid - eaten. But look at the cow. The cow has given us, each and every one of us, more than a dog ever will. The cow has stepped in and fed our children when we no longer could. And how do we feel about a hamburger? "Yum." "Send them to slaughter." "Treat them ill and abuse them until they are put to death in a painful way." And if you don't feel that way, ask yourself if you still act that way. Do you eat the cow that has been mistreated and slaughtered?

This is the reason I don't eat meat: God trusts me to be a good steward of the bountiful gifts He provides. He trusts me to care for the Earth, to care for my family, to care for my pets and to care for those animals that are not my pets. He gave me the intelligence to decide for myself what "care" means. I have decided it does not mean to mistreat them, cage them, slaughter them inhumanely then eat their flesh.

Being a vegetarian is a very personal choice. It is one I have made based on my feelings about God, the universe, and my role on this Earth. If you have different feelings, like my husband, then I respect your way. I won't ask you "Why do you eat meat?" So please don't ask me, "Why do you not?" unless you are prepared to give my answer the thoughtfulness which I have given it over months and months of study.

My New Mantra

2011-04-01T12:17:00.000-07:00

It is both a blessing and a curse that my life is full of opportunities. I believe it is a constant of our modern age and developed society: we can go anywhere, and we can do anything. It is not about the American Dream or your parents belief in you. It is a simple reality of life today. We have options.

Options are a good thing, but they can also be a great obstacle. I often hear my friends saying, "Why would you buy a house? You are in a month-to-month lease. Never give that up. You could move anytime!" The month-to-month lease is in fact coveted in LA. People say, "Oooooh You're month-to-month," with the same enthusiasm as they would, "Oooh you paid off your car!" Actually, with more enthusiasm, because owning a car is not nearly as attractive as leasing one - ideally month-to-month - so you can change your mind about what you drive.

I am overwhelmed with options, always. I have a thirst for new adventures, and this makes me crave changes (as I recently posted about). At times (actually, often) I wonder if I would not be better suited for a simple life on a farm where presentness is required and daydreaming about options and adventures is not as common.

I was recently reading a section of Autobiography of a Yogi. Paramhansa Yogananda is visiting India after 25 years living in Los Angeles. He meets a saint who does nothing but meditate and pray in the mountains, leaving his cave occasionally to walk along the rivers. Yogananda wonders if this life may be preferable to his busy LA existence. When he considers it, God firmly answers, "No, Yogananda, that is not for you in this lifetime."

This resolution is my new mantra: "That is not for me this lifetime." The many options out there are definitely just that - options - that I may pursue in another lifetime. But, for this lifetime, this is where I am, and this is what I do. The sooner I can accept that, the sooner the many opportunities I see daily will drop away, illuminating my true path.

Trusting the path I'm on is essential to living present, loving fully, and enjoying the life I live. What is your favorite mantra? Or maybe just the mantra of the hour?

Livifi

2011-03-30T08:58:00.000-07:00

I have recently begun working with a new iPhone App called Livifi. I discovered it through a friend, the developer, and I wanted to give it a try. At the time, I thought I would have little to gain. I am a "healthy" person. I watch my "diet." I "exercise." All the right things.

Three weeks later, and I've lost three pounds - without trying - and am drinking more water and eating more vegetables than I ever have before. Livifi is a breakthrough for me for two reasons: one, it encourages me to track what I eat and when I workout; two, it doesn't get me bogged down in the specifics. Rather than having to track "I ate 3/4 cup of zucchini." I simply check off one serving of vegetables for the day.

I've never had the time to write down my vegetable intake or water intake before. Livifi makes it easy, and I feel incredibly vibrant after these few weeks of usage. Partial? Absolutely. But, I encourage you to try it for a month FREE - www.livifi.com.

Bonus: it also encourages healthy practices for mental health and healthy relationships. I now have a weekly goal for quality time with hubbs and meditation!

Synchronicity

2011-03-24T06:51:00.000-07:00

I have learned the more i develop my yoga and meditation practice, the more synchronicity there will be in my life. I'll begin to run into the people i need to talk to on the street, or I'll find a coupon for just the products i was hoping to buy in the grocery. Why? Because the synchronicity was always there, i simply failed to notice it before.

This week has been one of the biggest gifts i have received in my life and in my understanding of the way the world really works. A few months ago, i was staring at a calendar choosing which weekend to come do some work in Kansas city. I could have picked any week this spring, but one called out as the best one. This week.

When i arrived, i saw my 14 year old yellow lab puppy. She was having a hard time. As i looked at her, god spoke tome to say it was her time. I spent my first day here loving on her and doing my best to let her know, without any words, that it was okay for her to leave us.

The next day, she began exhibiting symptoms of stomach bleeding. We took her to the vet to find out a tumor was rupturing on her splein. While the news was sad, and the loss hurt, i looked upon her in awe of god's grace and his work through me. I have never felt so much peace wt a time of loss.

For the first time, i felt i would meet her again, this time in meditation, many times over in the future. I knew this was her time to rejoin her maker, and i was able to thank god for bringing me here and working through me to ease her suffering.

Some would call this synchronicity, my being home at the time she departed. But, it is clearly more than that. It is the way this was meant to be.

I have the fondest memories of my life with miss cleopatra Augusta, aka Cleo, but i look forward still to her continued presence in my life. She is a wise soul and one whose loyalty i will always admire. I'm happy she will rest peacefully.

Super Moon, Super Restless

2011-03-19T08:07:00.000-07:00

One of the symptoms my teachers warned me about from practicing too much yoga is over-connectedness. I can't think of a better word for it, because that is what it is. Though I try daily to become part of the eternal oneness of the universe (my father would be so proud), I have to admit a helpful dose of seclusion could be valuable from time-to-time.

When you are very open in body and mind, the energy in this world affects you greatly. What I'm feeling right now may be the collective trauma we are experiencing as a result of war in Central Asia, Africa and the Middle East or the trauma of the tsunami that is engulfing so many lives to my West. But I may also be feeling the pull of the supermoon, closer than it has been in 18 years, full and bright in the sky, affecting the tides of my body as strongly as it affects the ocean.

Whatever it is, it stirs a deep restlessness within me. But, I must admit, this is nothing new.

I have heard that many people fear change. I fear the opposite. I fear stagnation. I fear the status quo. If you doubt me, simply gaze back over the 15 haircolors and 20+ cuts I have chosen over the past 10 years. If life does not provide it for me, I will begin seeking an outlet for a physical manifestation of change, a new style to show, "No, things are different now."

In college, the furniture in my room had at least three arrangements in two years, and my new home is no different. I am constantly switching things out, replacing them, changing window treatments, uprooting plants and putting down new ones before they have time to take root.

In a time of suggesting yet another change (building a deck, because I know how to do that and all, and because we own [we rent] our house), I was frustrated my husband was not supporting my great idea. "It would be easier to support your ideas if I knew what they were for more than a week," he said. And I had to give him credit. There was truth there.

This constant need to change is not part of who I am, it is a symptom of what I have experienced in my life. In meditation yesterday, it became clear to me I want to change things so often because of a disconnect with my mooladhara chakra. I know, totally easy to figure out ;)

Basically, mooladhara chakra is the energy center right at the base of the spine. To get technical, it is scientifically represented by a gland in both men and women, though the specific gland varies by sex. In women, it is in the cervix. Yes, all this time, it has been my cervix throwing me off.

Okay, that's not quite how it works. This physical spot is also the psychological and emotional root of what is called the "root chakra." It is the base chakra, the one responsible for our feelings on home, safety, security and wellbeing. Without a solid foundation, we are constantly wavering.

I have a solid foundation. I have a safe home, a wonderful husband, an income that puts food on the table. I have friendships and support of loved ones.

But, a part of me still thinks I don't. Somewhere, there is still a feeling of exposure, vulnerability, insecurity. Until I fix that feeling, I will always be a waverer. Looks like I have some work to do.

Yummy Pizza

2011-03-16T09:21:00.000-07:00

Lately, since I've been trying a crazy new diet, I haven't been cooking my standard fare. Each night usually requires me to cook two meals, so I aim for the simple. Something basic with meat and bread to please the hubbs, some type of foliage and beans* for myself.

I'd love to get more creative with my kitchari and curries, but going through the work for just me often is not worth the kitchen cleanup. So, I end up with a kale salad and roasted beets with lentils. Not bad, but not the most delectable.

This weekend, I grabbed some pre-made whole wheat pizza crusts from my local Fresh & Easy (best grocery ever!). I usually like to make the crust myself so I can use different flours rather than wheat flour, but hey, sometimes it's just easier to do it this way.

I topped it last night with EVOO, spices, fresh ricotta & sliced pear then popped it in the oven. In the meantime, I carmelized onions and fried some prosciutto (for hubbs). Threw it all together 10 mins later, putting the meat on half the pizza, and we BOTH had a meal we enjoyed.

This merits a blog because I never thought I'd get hubbs to eat a whole wheat pizza topped without sauce and topped with ricotta and pear. When he agreed to eat the same toppings as me, and he actually loved it, I had a breakthrough moment!

* That's what my husband lovingly calls my diet. He says I eat like a Kangaroo. The real goal is to eat the most alkalizing (the computer previously made this alcholizing) diet possible (for me) for the next six months. No meat, limited diary, veggies in abundance, etc. etc. It has been harder than I thought it would be!

Eka Pada Viparita Dandasana

2011-03-15T10:25:00.000-07:00

Done. One year after I set the initial intention for this asana, I got it. I thought it would take more like a month. Little did I know. But that's the power of persistence. And man oh man did it feel good. Next time, I'll take a picture of myself. For now, here is some other chick who undoubtedly looks better in the pose than I did!

Pray Ceaselessly

2011-03-12T10:36:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I blogged this quote: "If you don't invite God to be your summer Guest, He won't come in the winter of your life."

It has come to life today. In the wake of large scale tragedy, prayers go out in record numbers. People pour out their support, shocked at the broken world. And this is good.

But, let us remember to invite God always into our home. To remember charity year-round, not just in a time of perceived need. The reality is we, humanity, face colossal suffering every single day. And we always need more people praying, acting out in love and sharing light with others.

Sending the uplifting vibrations of praer to Japan today and those who need it always - OM.

Quotes of Truth

2011-03-11T15:21:00.000-08:00

Some of the favorite quotes I have read this week in my many books.

"Wisdom is better sought from a man of realization than from an inert mountain." This is the instruction Sri Yukteswar gives Paramahansa Yogananda when Yogananda is a young boy begging for the chance to gain enlightenment by traveling into the Himalayas. It is the line I come back to again and again to remind myself I need nothing more than a good teacher to know all I need to know.

"If you don't invite God to be your summer Guest, He won't come in the winter of your life." Celebrate God always. Pray ceaselessly, not just in times of need.

"The universe begins to look more like a great thought than like a great machine." Sir James Jeans on the reality of our ability to create a world solely through self-perception.

"Jesus came because he had a desire to furnish humanity with a concrete example of its own possibilities." We are all children of God. That title was not reserved for Jesus; He simply claimed it better than we do. Each of us has the power within us to live like Christ.

And, my favorite, "Swalpamasya dharmasya, trayata mahato bhoyat." Meaning, "Even a little bit of the practice of this religion will save you from dire fears and collasal sufferings." Do not be afraid to come to your yoga mat, your meditation closet, your church pew or your confessional because you do not come often enough. Just one prayer, just one down dog, just one minute spent in a suspended meditation will give you benefits and will benefit this world. Absence is no excuse for continued absence. Come back. Start where you can. Even a little bit will do you good.

Sobriety just got a whole lot better

2011-03-07T09:43:00.000-08:00

Saturday night, I was prepping for an evening at home with hubbs in our favorite way: a spread of cheese, fruit, bread and nuts with a few organic cupcakes for desert. I think we could eat like this every night. No real plan for a meal, just a cutting board and an assortment of whatever is in season or eye catching at the local organic grocer (Trader Joe's, Whole Foods or Fresh & Easy for us).

The only real problem? This meal is best enjoyed with a glass of wine. The real gap in my beverage consumption since giving up alcohol is wine. Not because I can't live without it (though I do love it), but because there is no true option for a room temperature beverage that complements food if not wine. For example, you can drink tonic in place of a cocktail, juice instead of beer. But what can you drink that will actually pair with your seafood? Your steak (not that I eat steak, but you get the picture)?

Nothing. All other options end up being too sweet (sodas, tonics, juice) or too cold (sparkling water) or too hot (tea). I needed something that would play with my food instead of vying against it.

Solution? ARIEL non-alcoholic wines. I tried the Merlot this weekend, and I was incredibly impressed. This wine is made in the traditional manner, developing a good nose and flavor, and then the alcohol is removed. As you can imagine, without alcohol, the wine does lose some of its structure and balance. But, the flavor is still there. It does not taste like grape juice as I had anticipated. Instead, it tastes like wine; weak wine, but wine nonetheless. This is also available in a Chardonnay, White Zin, Rose, CabSav and a few other options.

And it's pretty darn good, too. Not too sweet, not too strong, just smooth and warming without the hangover. If you do not consume alcohol for any reason but want a drink to enjoy with a meal, I highly recommend this as an option. It is available in BevMo along with a wide selection of traditional vintner's non-alcoholic versions (Sutter Home has one, for example, but I wasn't risking it there.) I'm definitely heading back to stock up on bottles of this.

Added bonus? You gain all the positive health benefits of consuming wine without the negative side effects of alcohol and added calories. An average 4 oz glass of wine has over 100 calories. Ariel? Just 17 to 26. Without the alcohol, there is not as much need for sugar in the wine. Since the anti-oxidant and health benefits of wine are most beneficial in a low-alcohol wine, this is truly the best of both worlds!

New Age

2011-03-03T08:21:00.000-08:00

I made a comment a few nights ago as we were washing dishes that one of my friends had a New Age Mom.

"Like you?" - Hubbs
"No. Way more New Age than me."
"They don't get much more New Age than you."

Hm. I wonder what I do look like from the outside. I'm always on the inside, surrounded by people with psychic powers, knowledge of crystals and stones, experience spending months in silence, an advanced Kriya practice, you get the picture. I tend to think I'm on the conservative side. I wear J.Crew for heaven sake. How New Age could I be?

As hubbs was looking through iTunes for new music the other day, Genius suggested the category "New Age" according to our previous downloads. Vote cast. Even the Genius's at iTunes think I'm New Age.

Well, there are worse crowds to be associated with.

So Much for That

2011-03-02T08:45:00.000-08:00

This is the title of a book I have been picking my way through for months. I usually read a book in less than a week, so that should tell you something about how much I liked (hated) this book. Most of it was a long diatribe on the failures of America to produce a state of happiness and on the relative worthlessness of the average life, all rolled up with too much large vocabulary to even come close to poignant. But, once I got to the end of the book, I saw the author's vision.

This is not much of a spoiler since it is pretty well known throughout the novel: one of the main characters is slowly dying of mesothelioma. It's not the best account I've ever read, but at the end, you get a picture of what it means to come to terms with death. The main characters reflect on their lives, who they were, their legacies and their successes. The family has bankrupted itself trying to cure the cancer, and that clearly failed. Much of their "wealth" was taken away from them in life, and things never quite turned out how they expected.

Glynis, the woman who is dying, comments, "The only thing we ever spent that really mattered was time."

It's nothing ground-shattering; on some level, we all know this. But, it is worth remembering again and again. You know my opinions on this recession and financial crisis: it is here to hit the "reset" button. To take us back to a point where we understood the value of money and the value of time. Money - not that valuable. Time - irreplaceable. Talk to anyone who is staring death in the face, and this is the clarity he or she will provide.

My friend Lowell, who I've casually known as a student at my yoga studio for about a year, only recently told me of his 6-year battle with Hodgkin's Lymphoma (I believe I've mentioned him before). In the process of fighting this disease, he started his own company. The company is an iPhone application to make living healthy easy. It uses industry research to determine what are the true "best practices" in physical, mental and social health. It then gives users tools to set goals around these practices and measure their achievement of these goals. (check it out at livifi.com)

On his website, Lowell says: "Cancer has been my guru. Repeatedly confronting my mortality has given me perspective I'm not sure I would have otherwise found in a lifetime of searching. It has sharpened my focus on what is important to me, helped me better appreciate the wonderful people in my life, and steered me towards my purpose."

It is a sad thing that most of us can only find these things when we are staring death in the face. I would leave this world very happy if I succeeded in changing that ... if I could find a way to help people realize what really matters in their lives today. Right now. Not on their death beds. Heck, I'd like to just figure this out for myself, let alone for others.

But, there are a few constants I know matter in my life and in the lives of all people. Relationships. Love. Compassion. Faith. Purpose and accomplishment of that purpose. Peace. Liberation.

None of these can be bought with money. They can all be bought with time. Spend time (in my case, and in every case, time truly is money on some level) developing these in your life. If you already do, then smile to yourself. You have a good life!

Just Ask

2011-02-28T09:09:00.000-08:00

About every six months, I have a bit of a career crisis. I want to be patient in realizing my greatest dreams, but patience is a virtue I don't naturally come by. I wake up one day and think, "Ugh! I can't do it anymore! I can't spend eight hours in front of my computer writing meaningless crap in hope I, some day, get to write something that is not meaningless crap! I want to make a difference, not scrape for every dollar!"

See, my job is not "hard," but it is excruciatingly difficult. I am my own boss, I set my own hours, I do what I want. Until I need to make the dollars, and then I'm a slave to any earning option that comes my way. And this takes a lot of motivation, particularly considering I'm not someone who really cares that much about dollars. I'd go bankrupt if my better half did not remind me I should not live on expired popcorn just so I can work less.

I had a crisis last night. Staring down another week of making sure I earn enough to buy, well, real popcorn, I just didn't think I could do it. I wanted out, I wanted a new career, a breakthrough, a life where my rent didn't amount to $30,000 a year so I could just, you know, sip tea & practice yoga.

As I was laying in bed questioning what I could do to get there, I realized I was powerless. Instead of being terrified of that idea, though, I leaned on the one force that is not powerless, that can truly manifest the life I'm looking for. With a great sense of relief, peace and comfort, I quietly asked God to give me the career I'm looking for. I told Him I want to help people, I want to earn enough to get by, and I want to use my skills and my brain. Everything else is optional.

He seemed to think that was a good plan; in fact, He seemed to think He'd been planning this on His own for sometime. I quickly realized what I'd need to do to help His plan come to fruition, and I set about doing those things today. It's a great working partnership, me and God.

Hand your troubles, your worries, your goals and your concerns over to the Divine. Allow Him to go to work on your behalf, and, for your part, do what is necessary to clear the way for His work to come through. You will face each Monday with a sense of gratitude rather than a sense of anxiety.

(For those who wonder about this whole thing, I don't think of God as a literal "He." I don't see Him as a person, because, well, He's not. But all humans speak of the Divine in the only words they have, human words. So, for now, He's a big smiling guy up in the sky!)

My hope for the future

2011-02-24T08:02:00.000-08:00

This past weekend I was able to spend some time with my parents. The older we both get, the more peaceful these times become, and I live in growing gratitude for the relationship we've been able to mend. That said, there are some areas where we still don't see eye to eye.

In a discussion with my father about how many children I would like to have, he advised me I "better have 8, because that's how many the Muslims will have, and they intend to take everything over and CHANGE YOU." I understand his fear. This is the same fear mankind has had about others for thousands of years. It is the basis for the population growth projects Hitler worked on prior to WWII. It is the reason many Jewish parents want to ensure their kids marry other Jews and have Jewish grand-babies. The thought of extinction by force is a frightful one.

But it rejects wholly the notion that they, the Jews, the Muslims, or any other race, are no different from us. The belief one "race" can take over another, one religion can oust another, one person can defeat another all come back to the same basic fallacy: we are separate. What if we're not? What if we are all, not brothers and sisters as some have taught, but actually one giant being, one energy, one force. Then what should we be striving for?

Not to preserve ourselves, but to preserve the goodness of this being as a whole. Paramahansa Yogananda translates from Swami Satyananda's account on the life of Lahiri Mahasaya in Autobiography of a Yogi (did I confuse you yet?) Lahiri Mahasaya predicted a growing interest in yoga across the world about 50 years after his death. He believed the yogic oneness would begin to grip the world around that time, and it would usher in a new age.

That time came in 1945. Yogananda comments often on the "coincidence" that this time was also the time of the atomic bomb. It was then, he noted, that man finally had the capability to wipe out another ... but then he also ran the risk of himself being wiped out.

He comments to the League of Nations and United Nations as potential peacemakers. This is what he says, "The broad sympathies and discerning insight needed for the healing of earthly woes cannot flow from a mere intellectual consideration of man's diversities, but from knowledge of man's sole unity-his kinship with God. Toward realization of the world's highest ideal - peace through brotherhood - may yoga, the science of personal contact with the Divine, spread in time to all men in all lands."

What do you fear for our future? What is your greatest hope? Can you guess mine?

Visioning

2011-02-23T07:52:00.000-08:00

I spent some time yesterday in visioning. Part of my productive day! If you've never spent time visioning, it is a very healthy exercise that can help you get your priorities, goals, needs and limitations very clear. This helps you be more efficient with your time, spending it only on those items which are part of your bigger picture.

I felt it was time for me to vision because I was getting a little lost in the day-to-day. I wanted to know where it was going and what I could do to enjoy each day a bit more. My visioning went like this:

- 3 blank pieces of paper
- a box of crayons
- my meditation closet

Paper 1: I love. I wrote this across the top of the paper, prayed to God to help me get clear, and just wrote. No order, no organization. Everything I love was quickly scrawled out in front of me.

Paper 2: I want. This page was a bit harder. I had to sit and think first, which is really not part of the process, but I found myself being careful. The mind is very powerful and can manifest things you commit to wanting. If I wrote things I did not want, what would happen? I ended up deciding to keep the desires open ended. For example, instead of saying, "To own a house," I simply said, "A Home." That can fit a broad array of abodes, including my current one until it no longer feels like home.

Part 3: I do. This page was a blend of what I love and what I want. How can I do the things I love to get the things I want? This was broken into "My perfect day" and "My perfect month." My perfect day is a simple description of what I would do in an ideal day. My perfect month shows how these days come together to provide for the things I want.

It went pretty well, but it made me realize I had been neglecting a few things. Mainly, I noticed how important it is to me to keep a nice home. Nice doesn't mean luxurious; simply, nice means a place where my husband and I feel at home, relaxed, clean, comfortable and cared for. Without cooking meals each night, which I have been neglecting, I miss out on this rewarding feeling of a nice home. I realized I had to make time for things like sheet washing, vacuuming and coupon cutting not because I needed to but because I wanted to. It is as important to me as practicing yoga or earning a paycheck.

Spend some time visioning, and your goals, wants and needs may become much clearer!

Back in the Saddle

2011-02-22T17:34:00.000-08:00

I run a pretty tight shift at this place. Every minute of every day of my life is scheduled, even if the schedule says, "free time." On weekdays, it's a 6AM wake up for meditation, work, yoga, keeping the house, cooking dinner and "free time" before bed. I work Friday nights & Saturday mornings. On Sundays, I plan menus and grocery shop.

It all runs very well until I get thrown off. Like when I leave town and skip grocery shopping for a week. Then get sick and a week turns into two. And I didn't get to my weekly sheet washing. And I haven't vacuumed in a week either. And then things go crazy.

Thankfully, I can put all the pieces back together again. Today, I worked a full day, got to the grocery store, hit up the bank, cleaned the kitchen, washed the sheets & towels, and even had time to bake some cookies. It feels good to be well!

I'm Sick

2011-02-21T10:20:00.000-08:00

I hate uttering those words. I try so hard to never admit the feeling of lethargy, sinus pressure or other symptoms as they come on. I'm a yogi: I focus on maintaining the proper akaline properties in my body, I drink plenty of fluids, I get enough sleep, I avoid stress and negative situations ... I don't get sick! Right? Totally wrong.

I'm afflicted by the common mental disorder of females in my generation. I like to call it "ICanDoItAll-Usion." I feel I should be able to run my company, run my home, cook healthy nighty meals, be on the board of multiple charitable organizations, get enough sleep and look great through each step. Bottom line: I can't. I don't think this All-Usion affects men as much as women. They are more likely to say, "No," when a big project comes up they simply don't have time for. But we women, man do we hate saying, "No."

And the result? Sickness. When I go down, I go down hard. And now, because I have chosen to do it all, there is no one to step in and help when I can't. Not that my husband doesn't try. He certainly does, and he takes on what he can. But he can't work full time, do all the grocery shopping, finish up the laundry, pick up the cat's prescription, manage a yoga studio, meet my grandmother for lunch and write the script for a Public Service Announcement. He, unlike someone else who may have signed up for all these jobs, knows this.

So here I am, sick, with too much to do. Going to be quite a Monday. And then maybe, just maybe, I'll think about doing myself the favor of cutting back a bit.

Young Adulthood

2011-02-18T17:35:00.000-08:00

A few nights ago, as we celebrated Valentine's Day our way (home-made Southern-style meal), we left the dishes until "tomorrow" and settled in for an evening on the couch. I made hubbs some warm sipping chocolate to end the evening, and I thought to myself, "this is the stuff."

Being a young adult is one of the most fun phases of life. We are entirely left to our own devices. We can work, play, eat, sleep, spend, save and live life however we want. Sure, we have to make it to the office from 9 to 5, or to the desk in the basement in my case ... or to the meditation room in my other case. But there are fairly few restrictions on our lifestyle otherwise.

And then I think about my parents. Year: 1983. Ages: 25 and 26. Children: 3. Children's ages, 3, 2 and infant. Freedom: Zero. Nil. Nada. And it stayed this way until circa 2003-2006.

Whenever I question whether I'd be ready for a baby right now, I think about things like sipping hot chocolate and leaving the dishes until tomorrow. As much as I'm willing to sacrifice in order to live the life I want to live, these just aren't things I'm looking to give up right now. I am a young adult, and I'm loving it.

I'm not a young twenty-something. I don't enjoy crowded bars, dirty dance floors or nasty hangovers. I don't enjoy living in filth or neglecting my laundry. Sometime in the not-too-distant past I loved all of these things. But, like dark black eye makeup, handing out at "the mall," or midriff baring t-shirts, I have outgrown them.

What do I enjoy as a young adult? love dinner with my girl-friends discussing careers, relationships and real estate. I love sitting in a warm bath with my cat playing in the water (yes, for real he does). I love cooking classes, tea tastings, a good book and falling asleep to a late movie. I love karaoke machines in rented cabins. I love board games. I love Scrabble for iPad. I love staying up late in bed just laughing and talking with my best friend. I love sipping chocolate on the couch, cuddling up when it's raining, and hiking in the sunshine when it's not. I love the ocean, The Strand, Manhattan Beach, writing my blog and yoga ... boy oh boy do I love yoga.

I always felt having a child would somehow fulfill me. I thought, once I knew the feeling of life inside me, I would realize what it is all about. I never believed I could feel full and know my life's purpose before then. I never thought I could be happy just me (and my husband and two cats). But I am. I'm a young adult. A woman. And I'm absolutely, completely blissful.

A marriage to last a lifetime ...?

2011-02-17T07:52:00.000-08:00

I was in the stylist's chair last week, discussing life as usual. I've been with my same hair stylist for going on three years. She's seen me through my engagement, and I've seen her through hers. She even styled my hair on my wedding day. Needless to say, we know a lot about each other's respective lives and relationships.

She told me she sees a lot of her relationship in my own, and I'd have to agree. She and I are both "seekers," we are constantly looking out to the universe, wondering what forces may be at play. We question how we can grow, change, improve or better ourselves. Our husbands, though not opposed to self-improvement, are much more settled in themselves. Mine doesn't much see the need to seek; he already, in his head, knows. I was a college athlete. He ... was not. He works hard in a professional environment. I ... do not. We are two different creatures living two very different existences in one life together. My stylist and her soon-to-be are the same.

She confessed to me she had a bit of a meltdown recently as she's heading into her marriage. How, she wondered, was this going to last forever? If she and her husband are so different, will she eventually tire of the opposition? Should she be with someone more like her?

My only answer is this: you've made it work so far. If my experience in sobriety has taught me anything, it is the simple motto we all have heard before: One Day At A Time. Thinking about any challenge in terms of it's immenseness is overwhelming. But, thinking about it in simple, one-day steps, your realize how all feats are easily accomplished ... even an 80-year marriage.

Being together for 80 years, in reality, is no different from being together for one year. It only seems different if you forget to live in the present moment. If he makes a mess in the bathroom and you think, "Can I deal with this for 80 years?," you may just divorce him. If you think, "Can I deal with this today?," well, you still may want to scream "NO!," and you may even have a fight, but you'll handle it.

I've been with my husband now for almost 7 years. We met when I was 21 and he was 20. Those 7 years in any life are incredibly transformative. It is the time when you go from being a child to having a child. You go from washing cars for extra cash to serving as VP for a multi-national insurance company. Each year, really, is more like 5 years of growth. If we've made it through these 7, the next 70 will be no different. There will be moments of "NO!," but there will be far more moments of "YES!"

I suppose it is all a wonderful lesson of living in the present moment. This was all that came through during my meditation and my walk today: One Day At A Time. Such is marriage. Such is life. And it's wonderful.

The wonderful world of Self Realization

2011-02-15T10:12:00.000-08:00

The Self Realization Fellowship is an organization of individuals under the teachings of Paramahansa Yogananda. Why should you care?

If you're anything Ike me, you grew up largely studying one religion. I know there are some ethnic groups for which this is not true; in fact, just yesterday i heard a great nor broadcast on how many African or Caribbean Americans grow up with a mix of many religions. But, for many protestants, there is just one.

The reason is simple: many protestant religions are defined by a specific belief set. In order to be a "Presbyterian" for example, you must believe a set of disease a out the church. Inthose ideas is one quite fundamental: salvation by faith alone. Without faith in Jesus Christ, there is no passage into heaven.

With this type of mandate, it can be hard to leave the window cracked open for alternate faiths. If I admit Buddha was a wise teacher, am I devaluing the importance of Christ and therefore "un-Christian?" As my sister reminds me, Jesus says, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."

So, in exploring alternate routes to God, I have become "un-Christian" by many definitions. But not by all. The Self Realization Fellowship has a complete list of aims and ideals centering on developing oneness with God. Among these aims is:

To reveal the complete harmony and basic oneness of original Christianity as taught by Jesus Christ and original Yoga as taught by Bhagavan Krishna; and to show that these principles of truth are the common scientific foundation of all true religions.

In other words, SRF aims to show there is no duality, not even in religion. All religions originate from the same place, God, and God is always good. There are some misconceptions, mistreatments or missteps along the way, but these come from duality of this world, not the oneness of God.

Yoga is a great backdrop for oneness. Since it is not a series of beliefs but rather practical steps, it can coexist with any belief system. Once an individual can learn to incorporate these practices into daily life, the need for duality and "systems" of belief slowly melts away.

If you want to read more about SRF and yoga, the website is a great place to start. Available on the site is also a series of lessons (for just $.70 each) on how to meditate and begin incorporating a personal relationship with God in your life.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. I love my husband, my cats, my parents, my sisters, my friends and myself. But most importantly, yesterday, I celebrated the love I have for God and the love He has for me. This is the single greatest gift I have received in my life, and I am only beginning to explore the depths of the relationship. If you don't have a personal relationship with God, you can start today!

Our Wonderful Weekend

2011-02-13T17:26:00.000-08:00

I am extremely fortunate to have a wonderful group of friends in Los Angeles. This weekend, we headed up to Big Beak Lake for a ski trip. One cabin, 13 people, three days, two great games, and about 6 hours on the slopes. I was a little apprehensive heading into the weekend. I don't drink, I don't eat meat, and I go to bed around 9PM ... on the weekends.

It could be very hard to enjoy a weekend and relax in those circumstances. But, I have the best friends. Everyone makes me laugh, intrigues me and appreciates me. I was able to have an absolute blast, complete with a few hours of totally reckless karaoke. What more could a girl ask for? Bedtime tea, morning coffee, road trips and mountain bliss.

I have had a deep-seeded wish to have a group of adult friends my entire life. I've dreamed of weekends away, of weddings and visits to the hospital when a new baby is born. I've wanted traditions, inside jokes and old photos of pictures "when the grown ups were young."

It is so warming to know my friends support my life. They want to enjoy my company and continue to spend time with me, even when I have a long list of disciplines in my life they may not subscribe to. Cheers, friends, and see you on the mountain next year (and this weekend).

new favorite

2011-02-13T16:24:00.000-08:00

"When the fruit forms, the flower falls."

Chew on it. Figure out what it means to you.

(Ski Yukteswar in Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda.)

Yoga and Maya

2011-02-09T13:06:00.000-08:00

How do you define yoga? There is no "right" answer here. It's like defining success; the definition is in the definer, not the defined. Think hard about your definition of yoga, and you may surprise yourself.

I did.

I define yoga as "union." It is the union of breath & movement, action & gratitude, spirituality & physicality. On a deeper level, it is the union of man & God. This union can occur not because we learn to commune but because we learn there was really no separation in the first place.

I'm only now starting to understand the fallacy of what yogis call "Maya." Maya is the concept of separation. It is what tells us a flower is not the air, a dog is not a cat, I am not you, and a human is not God. This concept exists for a reason: we observe separation very early in life. Far earlier than we observe union.

The ancient yogis were excellent quantum physicists. They understood, at the base level, everything in the universe is made up of the same stuff: energy. The state of this energy is what causes it's separation from other particles. Call it what you will. In my early days, I would have called it "the force."

While the force runs through everything, each item takes an Earthly shape, making it appear different, separate, unique. Many of us go through life thinking this is the way it is. But, for a second, allow yourself to ponder a different scenario.

Imagine you are given a pair of glasses that allows you to see straight down to the atoms of everything. You can see electrons circling protons and neutrons. You cannot see anything else. What would a car look like to you? A flower? A blade of grass? Your sister? Your husband? Yourself? All of these items would look essentially the same. When you touched a solid surface, you would fail to see where your finger ended and the surface began.

You would be awakened from the illusion of separateness. You would realize all things are really one thing, and they all come from one thing. You would realize you are God incarnate. This would be no source of pride, because you would realize every being, every piece of paper, every molecule of oxygen is also God incarnate. In fact, at the same moment you realize you are God, you would be humbled in realization you are not unique in this divine power.

This is the true goal of my yoga. To overcome that which separates. To transcend the illusion of Maya all together. In moments of meditation, I can get my head there. I can conceive the grand spectacle of oneness. Then I come back, and I have to cook dinner, fold laundry, pay bills and feed the cats, and the oneness goes away. Hence my desire for some time away in pilgrimage or an ashram when I can sustain the oneness a bit longer.

In any case, once you have overcome Maya, it is easier to overcome it again in the future. Through overcoming this illusion and realizing we are all quite literally one, it is no longer enough to desire happiness for oneself. It becomes a goal to lift the entire world into community with God. So that's where I am today. I want everyone to realize the divine within himself or herself. And I want to see it, too, in myself and in others. And I want to serve it. That's my goal for now. No big deal, right?

sneak peak

2011-02-08T17:21:00.000-08:00

Why I didn't blog today ...

This:
http://juliesyoga.com/home.html

Is Turning into This:
http://juliesyoga.com/New/home.html

full veggie

2011-02-04T10:13:00.000-08:00

I'v been putting of declaring it because then I really have to do it, but the day is here. I'm officially a vegetarian (more like a pescatarian, I'll eat some fish). The day I chose to really quit drinking, I had to put it in writing and tell my loved ones. I knew that was the only way I'd stick with it when it got tough. This is the same. So, there it is:

I do not eat meat.

Maybe this will change in the future, I try not to say "forever" to anything (except marriage). Who knows. For now I'm blissfully meat-free.

Karma in Action

2011-02-02T08:26:00.000-08:00

Karma is an idea, like yoga, that has taken a new meaning in our Western vocabulary. Many of us weave it seamlessly into daily discussions (Karma's a bitch!). But what, really, is Karma? How does it function in our lives, and how can we use it to live happier, freer and more enlightened existences?

I found a great discussion on Karma on SwamiJ.com. Here, Karma is broken down:

"Two essential terms: To understand the meaning of Karma and to reduce its control through Yoga, one needs to understand another term, and that is Samskara. Karma literally means actions, and those actions come from the deep impressions of habit that are called Samskaras."

So Karma doesn't happen to us. Instead, we actually happen to Karma. Our actions in this world set out a series of events. Those events transpire, and they make take years or lifetimes to ever make their way back to us. But, on the societal level, we are creating our world together through our actions. And that is the true essence of Karma. In a society where greed, materialism, vanity and jealousy reign, we are subject to very poor Karmic life.

Why do those forces reign? This is the second important term: Samskara. We all have Samskaras. They are feelings we harbor deep within our emotional beings. They may be feelings of inadequacy, fear, guilt or other anxiety. As long as these Samskaras persist, it is hard for us to undo the negative Karma of the world.

Don Miguel Ruiz, in his book The Four Agreements, puts forth a theory on Samskaras. He calls them "agreements." They start at an early age when someone tells us something like, "You're not very good at math, you're better at reading." If we "agree," we have created a Samskara in our life. This particular one may not be very damaging. But, what else did you hear growing up about yourself?

Did people call you ugly? Slow? Unathletic? A bad singer? A bad person? A "troubled" child? Did they tell you money was important? Looks were important? Getting good grades was essential?

In Western psychology, we have an idea of Samskaras; here, we call them "trauma," "patterns," maybe even "Daddy issues." The main difference is, in many Western treatments, to release these traumas you are encouraged to confront them or relive them. Have you ever had a psychiatrist advice you to confront your parents about problems from your past?

Here's the issue in my opinion. What if you don't like the result? What if the result is positive, but in another year the problem happens again? You are placing the burden of releasing the trauma on another person. That person has his or her own Samskaras, and this can result in a never ending pattern of hurt.

Want to know what I think is better? You guessed it. Asana, meditation and a life of Karma yoga. Today, I spend many hours a week searching for Samskaras in myself. When I work on different Chakras, I may find I have a deep seeded problem. It may even have been caused by someone else. Do I confront that person? No. I forgive them. I give myself the power to solve the problem. I release that other person from obligation, and I send them a little love.

By putting love into the world instead of anger, I am helping to create better Karma all-around. Sometimes it takes many months of focus on a Samskara to finally release it. But it happens, and I promise you it works better than any pill you can pop or chaise lounge you can sit on in a shrink's office.

Try it out. The next time you have a negative emotion toward an event or person, do not verbalize it. Simply allow yourself to release it. Don't wait for the other person to apologize. Don't ask them to feel guilty. Let it go, and allow the both of you to live a happier, freer existence.

Khichari - the miracle food

2011-01-31T13:10:00.000-08:00

I've been obsessed with diet for at least 10 years. Lately, it's not so much the American, "How do I look more like Alessandra Ambrosio" diet as the Indian, "How to I achieve maximum mental and physical clarity?" Basically, I want to make sure the food I eat aids in my asana and meditation practice. In "normal" terms, I want to eat what will keep my mind and body energized.

So, what is that? I've been reading about vegetarianism, organic foods, raw diets, juicing and more. I've had periods where I've subscribed to each philosophy. Last night, though, I read something that really clicked. Swami Satyananda puts forth the diet you need is based on the type of yoga you practice.

You may think, "Yea, but I don't do yoga." That's not entirely true ...

In ancient yogic philosophy, yoga is everything. Therefore, pretty much anything you do is yoga. There is a different type of yoga for each activity. Breathing is pranic yoga, working at a desk all day may be considered raja yoga, being active with your hands may be considered karma yoga, and so on. Basically, ask yourself, "How do I spend my days?" This is the first cue to understanding what you need.

You will need food that is calorie dense enough to support your level of activity. You will also need food that can be incorporated into your yogic lifestyle seamlessly. For example, if you are an insurance broker going out to lunch with clients every day, you will need to plan your diet based on what is available at restaurants and what your clients will find socially acceptable. After all, we exist in the read world, so it is important to apply these wordly constraints to our diet.

Personally, I practice a combination of hatha and raja yoga, with, hopefully, some kundalini thrown in there soon. I need enough calories to sustain me, but I cannot get too full. If I do, my awareness will suffer. I also cannot eat anything too difficult to digest as this will make it hard for me to sit in a long meditation.

So, I have to pick a food that is: digestible, calorie dense and not too filling. Swami Satyananda recommends khichari for this, and luckily for me, khichari is delicious, affordable, and easy to eat every day because of the wide range of options. I can also have some raw fruit, nuts and grains, but not too much to throw off my digestion.

Swami Satyananda puts forth this theory: it is best to cook the food in the pan instead of in your stomach. In order to digest food, you must raise your internal body temperature and exhaust energy. This is fine for many people, but for a yogi sitting in meditation and using energy in the chakras, it is key to exhaust less in digestion. For this, boiled vegetables, cooked grains and spices that aid digestion are super helpful. Again, enter the khichari.

I made khichari for myself last night for the first time. Though there are literally thousands of recipes, here is the basics:
- Khichari is made up of dal (cooked lentils or beans with the external shell removed), rice, veggies and spices
- It is cooked in liquid, like veggie stock or water, to make it like a stew or soup
- Prepare khichari anyway you like, but focus on using spices that aid digestion such as cardamon, coriander, cumin, cinnamon, cayenne or black pepper, and curry. You can try to incorporate the super spices to the best of your ability ... I used them all last night!

Here was my recipe, and it will change each night this week
- Sesame oil for toasting the spices
- Curry, coriander, cumin, black pepper, red pepper flakes, cinnamon all toasted in the oil
- Aromatic base of carrots and the stems of baby bok choy
- Added baby bok choy leaves, eggplant and cauliflower, cooked down slightly
- Added veggie stock, spiced to taste
- Covered and cooked about 40 minutes
- Added cooked jasmine rice and cooked black lentils

Voila! So good my hubbs even looked over for a bite from his plate (I made him prime rib, potato pancakes, over easy eggs and sour dough toast with apricot jam. Yes, he wanted a bit of mine even with that on his plate!)

I feel amazing today :)

the spine

2011-01-30T20:33:00.000-08:00

I had the opportunity to attend a symposium on the spine, spinal disease and back pain today at Mind Body Manhattan. Lauren, the owner, put together an excellent group of speakers including an MD, a physical therapist, a chiropractor, a Pilates instructor, a structural integration instructor and a yoga instructor (Julie Rader). The discussion could have lasted for days, but in the three hours we spoke the limited information we received as enlightening.

Perhaps the most influential information to me came from the MD, Dr. Albert Reff. He spoke about the evolution of the spine, saying a great way to observe this evolution was by observing embryonic development. His discussion was thick with information, but here are some points worth sharing:

Animals spent billions of years evolving spines designed for quadra-pedal locomotion
The spine was the central command channel for our nerves, but it supported very little weight
Quite recently in evolution, primates began to walk upright in order to use their hands for detailed tasks (carrying items, hunting, picking fruit, etc.)
Relatively speaking, the upright spine is an incredibly young part of our bodies
It is not yet ideally suited to support the weight it carries daily
In order to compensate for this, our bodies have evolved very strong cores which act like cables on a suspension bridge, spreading out the weight we are carrying
If our cores are not strong enough to do this ... ta da ... back pain or injury

So why so much back pain? The short evolution we have had in our spines took place when we were highly mobile. Only within the past 50 to 100 years, the blink of an eye in evolutionary terms, have we become sedentary. This means our cores have lost their strength almost instantaneously, and another mechanism has not yet developed to alleviate the strain on the back.

The best medicine for back pain? Prevention through a strong, lean core. Weak abdominals, lateral muscles or fat around our midsection is a fast-track to back pain.

Of course, there are more complications than this. Congenital back diseases such as scoliosis and arthritis can greatly impact our spinal health. There are also issues with emotional attachment to pain. Julie spoke about the chakras, energy centers, that line the spine. These centers can become blocked by trauma, emotional stress or pain. These problems often come hand-in-hand with realized physical problems - we are, as we say, whole beings. A strong core is no substitute for an emotional support system.

The approach to curing back pain, then, becomes holistic. I am truly lucky to be in a community that is on the cutting edge of realizing the essential need to blend these techniques - Pilates, SI, yoga, therapy and, when needed, surgery - in order to alleviate suffering and strengthen the human form.

An inspiring discussion. We will discuss the upper and lower extremities in subsequent roundtables, and I greatly look forward to learning more!

the meaning of life

2011-01-28T08:45:00.000-08:00

... wait, you didn't think I had some insight here, did you? Well, insight - yes, answers - no. But this is where my mind is. Not so much on the "meaning of life" as "the meaning of MY life." What am I here for? What are my talents, passions and gifts? Am I serving them?

These thoughts consume me. I started reading Swami Satyananda Saraswati's Kundalini Tantra last night. And, if you want to know your life's purpose, this may be a book to consider. The entire work discusses the power of awakening dormant energy in the body in order to switch on dormant parts of the brain. When these are switched on, your true talents emerge. Those talents can be spiritual, musical, artistic, verbal or of any type. Unless you switch on the brain, though, whatever your talents are, they may be hidden within you forever, only showing small glimpses here and there.

Since beginning to study this concept - and I warn you there is much more to it than this, it is critical to understand chakras, psychic energy pathways and actual physiological aspects of the brain and body such as nerves in the spinal column - I can't stop thinking about it. All I desire is for the power dormant in my body to awaken, to yell to my brain "COME ALIVE" and to suddenly see my purpose clearly. Unfortunately, Swami Satyananda says this will take about 12 years. Come on Swami, throw me a bone here.

The good news is, with as fast as time seems to pass these days, those 12 years will be over in the blink of an eye. The bad news? I'll be 39 when that occurs. I sort of wanted to figure things out before then ...

So, the question becomes how to speed up the process of realization without speeding up the process of aging? I'll let you know when I have the answer there. For now, I have this thing called work that keeps nagging me.

burnout

2011-01-27T08:30:00.000-08:00

I'm suffering from some serious creative burnout. In the past two months, I've designed too many websites and written too many articles to keep my head on straight. It is seriously crunch time for my clients, and that means they end up crunching me.

The good news? I can take a day off. The bad news? No one is there to stop me ... or pay me for that matter. So, here I am taking a day off, relaxing a little bit, hoping to get productive again this afternoon. We'll see about that.

But, that's the way I try to operate. I honor low energy days instead of pushing through. When I have high energy, even if it's on the weekend, I work. It seems backwards to people accustomed to working the daily grind in the office. There, you have to go to work, regardless of how you feel, and you have to work until the day is over. On the weekends, you take the day off.

When you run your own show, you realize how counter-productive this is. It's far better to work when you feel charged than when you're on empty. At least that's how I'm justifying a walk on the beach in 75 degree, January weather and breakfast with a friend. I need to recharge so I can bring it all together tomorrow!

steak + fondue

2011-01-21T09:07:00.000-08:00

I like cheese fondue. My husband likes oil fondue. We have one fondue pot. Needless to say, we usually go with oil when I prepare fondue for dinner. What if you could have both? And without the fondue pot?

Some time ago we went with friends for dinner at Animal (great pick, Jill + Brian!). It was amazing across the board, and I selected an all-veggie dinner. Hubbs picked all meat. Again, needless to say. One of the dishes he chose was a steak topped with this delightful cheese sauce. I told him that night, "I could make this for you," but I never did.

Until this week. We were out with the same group of people, and the cheese sauce came up, and I remembered, "Hey, I haven't made it yet!" So, I set about recreating the recipe and, oh my my, it was as good as we remembered.

For starters, I prepared the filets my go-to way.

Dry the steaks, heavy salt + pepper (you want it to really form a bark)
Really hot butter pan

The tip is to watch the butter bubble. Right after the bubbles begin to subside but before it turns brown (burns), you're ready to go
You can get it quite a bit hotter without burning if you clarify the butter first, but sometimes I skip this step in the interest of time

Sear the steaks about 2 minutes on a side
Pop under a broiler if possible until medium rare (depending on thickness of steaks can be 4-8 mins)

My broiler is broken, so I have to make due with a 550 degree oven

While the steaks are cooking, prepare the sauce

Make a roux in the fashion you prefer. I use milk + flour only.
Shred about 1 cup fontina and slightly less gruyere

These are the classic fondue cheeses, but you can really use whatever you want

Once the roux is ready, slowly add the soft cheese of your choice (fontina here) until it melts ... as if you're making fondue
Add the second cheese. Continue adding until the sauce is about the thickness of fondue
Add the liquor of your choice: dry white wine, vermooth, sherry etc. I used white wine
Keep sauce warm but stir occasionally so as not to burn the bottom

When the steak is done, top with the fondue sauce. SO GOOD!

I also paired this with a delicious bean recipe I threw together from items in the pantry:

Blanche green beans
Sautebacon, pancetta or proscuitto until medium crispy (it will continue to cook, so don't overdue it)
Pour off some fat if necessary, but leave enough to continue cooking in it
Toss in a minced shallot or quarter of an onion if you don't have shallot
De-glaze the pan with your choice of de-glazers, I used Sherry
Toss in the beans
Turn off the heat, add 1-2 Tbsp of butter and cover the pan until butter melts
Season well

the Mukti Movement!

2011-01-21T08:03:00.000-08:00

My amazing teacher, Julie, founded a yoga school called "Mukti Yoga." Mukti means liberation, but it specifically refers to inner freedom rather than external confinement. Mukti Yoga's philosophy states: "A truly balanced person has the feet grounded on the Earth and the head floating in the clouds.”

What better way to go through life?

As humans, it is our natural calling to live this way. We are spiritual beings, and we intimately and immediately know this from the day we are born. We know we are different from other animals on the Earth, and we know there is an element in us that is not of this Earth. Yet, we are here, in human form, subject to the daily demands of every other animal. For this reason, we must balance the two, the feet and the head, the Earth and the clouds.

I have been given the tremendous gift of Mukti. Now, all I want to do in this life is give it to others. And I have a team of wonderful friends and colleagues who want to help me and have my help doing the same. My job rocks!

I'm so excited to be a part of a growing experience of Mukti. Never has my path been so illuminated and selfless. I can't wait to share the good news of others who have found freedom and happiness through Mukti and the Mukti Movement (love the name, right?).

We had a meeting last night I was honored to be a part of. There is a long list of items we want to accomplish this year from building a library in Fiji to installing sanitation systems in Haiti to helping young women in affluent communities love their bodies and prevent eating disorders. It's going to be an amazing 2011 :)

day three

2011-01-19T06:37:00.000-08:00

I just finished my fifth meditation of the week, but it was the third I woke up at 5AM for. I'm doing the whole "wake up early" thing because I want to push myself to accomplish a goal. When my marathon fell through my fingers, the thing I was most disappointed about was missing out on the focus of reaching toward a goal. Crazy as it is, I love the feeling of doing something really hard because the reward is really great.

Hence the 5AM alarm. This morning was the closest I've come yet to just rolling over in bed. I could do my meditation at 6, right? Or 6:30? But that's not the point. I want to focus on a goal so much it gets me out of bed when the covers feel so warm and wonderful. I want the feeling of dedication that comes with 5AM, 14 mile runs.

Guess what? This is harder.

I never would have thunk it, but the thought of getting up only to sit down, completely still, and try to focus my mind on complexly simple things is actually more daunting than the thought of lacing up my running shoes. This morning I actually thought, "Maybe I could just go walk while I meditate? Or run?"

At least then, when I'm moving, I'm fulfilling my natural human desire to ... move. If you ever think humans are lazy, ask them to find a comfortable seated position, stay there, find complete stillness, and think about only one thing for an extended period of time. You will realize we are the busiest beings on Earth. In the absence of a TV to watch or a book to read, sitting still is just not something we do.

But I did. My longest mediation yet, and the one I felt "most successful" in. When I came to, I realized my entire right leg was pins and needles asleep. First time I've ever let it go that far without moving. It may not be mile 16, but it's something, right?

Boo to injury

2011-01-17T07:03:00.000-08:00

Injury is not a new theme in my life. The long-list of sports-related injuries I have incurred (only major injuries listed, I won't count broken fingers and toes!) includes:

Patella dislocation
Broken right foot
Blister infections leading to hospitalization
Eye hemorrhage
Tears to ACL, PCL and LCL

These injuries mostly occurred while I played soccer, and they were all caused by impact. Now that I no longer participate in impact sports, I thought my injury days were behind me. Then I started training for a marathon. The intensity of the training program is not the same as the impact of a collision on a soccer field, but over time the damage is similar.

My toenails all fell off. I suffered sore muscles and tightness. I was very nauseous after long runs. And now, 4 months into a 6-month training regimen, I'm sidelined with an injury to my external hip. This is either tensor fasciae latae (TFL) syndrome or, lets hope not, a stress fracture resulting from TFL. My doctor has advised me to rest for at least a week and, while I can start practicing yoga again, skip out on running for at least two. The nail in the coffin: no runs over 5 miles for a month or so.

And there you have it, the end of my training. But, if I don't rest, I will most certainly cause a stress fracture if I don't already have one. And to be honest, the pain is significant enough that I can't run right now either way. I'm no baby with running through dull pains. This pain is sharp and sudden in certain postures, and it stops me in my tracks when it strikes.

I'm pretty bummed out, but at the same time I'm trying to respect my body. In yoga we learn to never push ourselves so far as to injure our bodies. We learn to listen to our limits, and, though we should test them, we should never exceed them. So this was my limit. 14 miles was my longest run. It was actually really nice until the pain set in later that week.

I guess my body was saying, "14 miles is the most I will do." The good news? Half-marathons are just over 13 miles. So, looks like that's what I'll be training for from here on out.

Perhaps the worst part of this injury, though, was the fact it occurred at the beginning of my annual 30-day yoga challenge. I cannot practice physical asana because standing on my left leg, standing up from a seated position and over-stretching my hip are all bad ideas.

The alternate side of this, though, is it presents me with a unique opportunity to move beyond physical asana in my daily practice. I have decided to spend the 30 days focusing on pranayama (breathing techniques), pratyahara (control of the senses), dharana (concentration) and dhyana (meditation.)

I decided to push myself by setting my sadhana for 5:30AM each day. I wake up for 10 minutes of breathing exercises followed by a 20 minute meditation. I close my practice with 2, 40 second handstand holds and 2, 2 minute headstands. The results are yet to appear, but I'm confident they will be stronger than what I could achieve in my asana practice this month.

Workin' for the weekend ... errr, on the weekend

2011-01-15T10:52:00.000-08:00

I work at least one day most weekends. Typically, this involves maintaining the yoga studio or tutoring a client. At times, it may mean something more demanding, like producing website content, covering an event or even designing a site.

To a lot of people, working on the weekend is a terrible curse. They work so hard all week to earn two days of absolute mindlessness. They want, badly, to sleep in, lay on the couch, and go out drinking. My husband may or may not be one of them.

That lifestyle works for some people, but it's just not worth the effort to me. To think that, for 30 plus years of my life, I only earn TWO DAYS A WEEK to do what I want?

Crazy talk. Instead, I'd rather do a little bit of what I want every day. Somedays, I even manage to do A LOT of what I want. The sacrifice means I don't sleep in on the weekend. I wake up at 6:30 to go open the yoga studio. I also don't stay out late at night because it would not be conducive to my 6:30AM wakeup call ... this part is easier now that I don't drink.

Ultimately, my job is woven into my day-to-day life, leaving little separation between my weekend and my weekday other than the fact my husband is home to share the lifestyle with me. So, today, I'll work all morning then head home in time to watch my Steelers. Tomorrow, I'll wake up early and do it all again. And I'll love it!

You can't buy happiness ... or, wait, can you?

2011-01-13T08:15:00.000-08:00

For the past many months, the question of whether money can make you happier has been very prevalent on my mind. I'm trying to decide how to prioritize earnings in my career and in my life with my husband. As a writer, I could really have things either way, but I won't likely be the one who gets to decide that. I could struggle all my life in minor publications. I could have a best seller and get my own television show. Who knows. But the question I'm asking myself is, "So what if I did?"

What will I do when the blessings of abundant riches come my way? I'm confident they will. I meditate on it and happily ask the universe for money. Often, it works. My husband and I are at a point where, as the man in this story puts it, "We just have more money than we know what to do with. This means we could spend it on ourselves in a way that I don't think makes us particularly happy, or we could spend it on others."

Having more money than we know what to do with does not mean we're swimming in cash. We don't live in a fancy house or drive luxury cars. It simply means our bills are paid, our retirement accounts are funded, we have no debt, and we have some left over. We have to decide each month what to do with that money, and sometimes we don't know.

Studies show you can only buy happiness up to this point. When your bills aren't paid or you're swimming in debt, money will make you happier. But after that, once you have your bases covered, you can't earn an ounce of happiness for a dime of change ... or 1,000 dimes of change ... or 1,000,000 dollars of change. My mother-in-law recently told me the cut off in America averages out to $70,000 a year. That's all you really need to be as happy as you can get financially.

Yet, we have discussions about whether $250,000 should be considered "rich" in this country. And many people would say, "No." Where is the disconnect? What do we need so badly with that additional $180,000 before we feel rich? It's a question I ask myself daily.

The story I linked to above was perhaps the most inspirational thing I heard in 2010. It puts forth the hypothesis that you really should spend money on happiness. If not your own, then spend it on the happiness of someone else. When you dig deep and wonder what truly enhances your quality of life rather than what gives you a cheap thrill, you often realize you have more money than you know what to do with.

So, this year, I'm taking the pledge to give 10% of my income away to charity. I'll see how it goes. My husband is on board. And we'll perhaps continue next year. Ultimately, I think it will be something we do throughout our lives. If we leave very little to our children except a good education and sound morals, so be it. They can find their own way in this world and make their own decisions about money and giving. We've made ours, and we want to give it all away.

(Now, someday when we're earning that $250,000, I hope you'll all remind me of this pledge.)

Yin balance

2011-01-11T11:29:00.000-08:00

The first of the year is a crazy time for everyone, and it is particularly crazy when you work in the marketing industry. Small business owners everywhere are hopping on those items that have been long on the back-burner. I've been overwhelmed with requests for new websites, marketing materials, logo designs and more. At times, my to do list has seemed insurmountable.

I realize that this powerful energy needs to be balanced with yin, and I make time to fulfill this need. This week I made time to go for long runs, practice yoga, sit through a yin meditation class and spend time with my hubby. In order to do so, I had to clearly communicate timelines with my clients. I tell each of them I have a high number of requests, and I ask each for a fair timeline.

Are you making time for yin balance in your life? Do you know how to simply sit down and stop DOING to begin RECEIVING? It is a true blessing but not an easy thing to accomplish. Make time for yourself and your personal goals amidst the craziness. It is the only real way to make sure your to-do lists get done. Without time to yourself, you will eventually burn out and quit on your priorities.

Who Prays for the Criminals?

2011-01-09T10:35:00.000-08:00

I know what I'm about to say is not popular, but it needs saying. In light of the tragic Gabrielle Giffords shooting and subsequent commentary, we must remember compassion. Various senators and representatives have spoken out against the act, calling the suspect "evil" and saying his acts should be condemned by "decent" people everywhere.

I would never defend these despicable acts, but I will defend the man who committed them. After viewing his various YouTube rants, I truly believe this man was suffering under a crippling mental disorder. He was denied access even to the US Military, and though they will not say why, we can all make a guess. From the words he chose to share in these videos, it is evident this man was neither healthy nor happy. It is evident he had already been condemned to hell long before any of us "decent" people had the chance to do that condemning.

I am saddened by the lack of compassion "decent" people everywhere show. While the deaths were an unnecessary and heart-breaking tragedy, the reality is they were not caused by one man, by gun laws or, as one individual I know suggested on Facebook, by Sarah Palin. These tragedies are the sad reality of mental illness. They are the result of a life lived in fear and under stress. My heart and my prayers do go out to the victims, but my prayers also go out to the suspect. I can tell you this much: if my choice was between living a happy, productive life and dying as a victim in this attack or living a sad, dark, hellish life and living as the suspect, I would choose the tragic death 100 percent of the time.

I hope everyone takes a moment to put this in perspective rather than grabbing on to the media storm over this sad day. We all jump at the chance to judge someone, to put that person in a box labeled "bad" while we stay outside among the "good" people. To call for changes to gun laws or blame it on the tea party. To call in politics when this issue - mental illness - is age-old, lived long before politics, and will unfortunately continue to live and walk among us until salvation comes. Whatever that salvation may be.

I hope we can all remember to pray for criminals. To realize the principal tenant of all religions: we are all one being. When one suffers, we all suffer. When one is imprisoned, we all live in prison. In order to make our own lives better, we must work to improve the lives of every single person on this Earth, even the ones who behave in ways we cannot understand.

I am very disappointed the intelligent, compassionate people I love to not see this issue for the true tragedy it is for all people, everywhere, who suffer. I hope they can learn to.

Lessons from 6 Months of Sobriety

2011-01-07T08:23:00.000-08:00

Most of you know my story of sobriety. I woke up with a bad hangover one day and decided, "That's it." That part likely sounds like dozens of experiences you've had in your own life, but this is unique because ... I did it. I quit drinking that very day, and I haven't touched alcohol since.

It's been six months since I last had a sip of wine, a cold beer or a taste of saki with my sushi. These six months have felt simultaneously like 6 days and 6 years. On the one hand, it's passed much faster than I thought it would, and the rush of changes in my life since that point have kept me moving forward. On the other, that same rush of changes has left me a very different person than I was when I started this journey.

Here are some things I've learned in the past 6 months sober:

People drink a lot. When I tell the average acquaintance I have quit drinking, he or she can usually not comprehend the idea. That, or the person says, "Yea I've done that before," but by the fact he or she has a drink in hand, I realize we are not on the same page.
People generally cannot comprehend making a commitment to NEVER do something ever again. They will say, "Never?" Or, "Not even champagne at a wedding?" I understand this because I've asked myself the same questions.
Life isn't really as "fun" as it appears when you are drinking. Surprisingly, this is a good thing. Life is a little slow, a little boring and, most importantly, overwhelmingly beautiful.
It's easier to deal with a bad mood or a bout of sadness in the absence of mind altering substances. Of any type. Welcoming the regular ups and downs of life helps you appreciate it for what it truly is.
Less marriages would end in divorce without alcohol.
Juice is delicious. Sparkling juice even better.
My body actually hates, HATES, alcohol. It is so happy I have stopped that, when I took a sip of O'Douls, I nearly vomited. Just the thought I may be poisoning myself again was enough for my body to say "STOP!"

These are just a few of my observations. I have many. Each day there is something new. I feel as if I've been given a whole new life, and I'm just now learning about the world. In the absence of alcohol, priorities shift, health changes dramatically, and you can begin to see things for what they really are. I think this last part is the reason most people will never quit.

The choices we make with alcohol and drugs - prescription and recreational, if you can even delineate those two - are very personal. I don't think quitting is right for everyone. You have to be ready to accept that fun will take on a new meaning. You have to understand bars, parties, and celebrations will simply lack the excitement they once had. You have to be prepared to see your best friends and loved ones in the very worst light (it is truly amazing how stupid alcohol can make people). You have to know that 90% of the people you meet will not respect or understand the most important decision you've ever made.

But, if you have ever considered quitting, I highly recommend it. I promise you it is far easier than you have ever feared. Your body wants you to quit. Likely your mind, too. This makes it easy, in fact natural, to choose not to drink. If it does happen to be hard for you, I recommend support groups and (big surprise) yoga.

Secrets of Marriage

2011-01-06T07:51:00.000-08:00

I try not to reveal too many personal details of my marriage on this blog. My husband is not one for public discourse on our personal lives, what he calls "business in the streets," and I try to observe that for his sake. But in this case, I can't help sharing.

One of the tips I received often when considering marriage was, "Don't expect him to change." That's the adage, right? Men don't change. I always found this fatalistic. What if he needed to change? Wanted to change? Surely I would change over the next 80 years, why shouldn't I expect him to?

In blatant honesty, this was my biggest fear for our marriage. Sure, I loved the way things were the day we got engaged, but I wasn't sure I'd always love that rhythm. I'm not sure I'll always love that he plays 4 hours of video games on the weekend while I clean. I'm not sure I'll always be okay with him being too hungover for church. (I picked two negative examples here. To be fair to him, I may say my husband is not always like this, but these things happen.)

These little things work for a couple of 27-year-olds living with no children in a rented beach townhouse. Will they work in the future? And, if they don't, why won't he change?

There are a lot of things we don't get right in marriage, but hubbs and I have always been great communicators. I have to give him credit here. This is not part of the dowry I brought to the marriage. He works hard to reasonably discuss any issue either one of us is having. We get frustrated and fight sometimes, but mostly we don't. Mostly we talk, even when it's painful. On Tuesday we had a difficult talk. I walked away from it feeling uncertain of what would come next. I could see he was a bit bruised, but I had kept my cool and simply told him how I felt about an issue, and I didn't want to apologize. I just had to wait.

Yesterday, when he came home from work, things were different. He stood confidently in front of me and said, "It's okay. I want to change for you. I'm willing to work hard to make our marriage strong. I want to."

This statement filled me with love and gave me so much hope for our future and the future of marriage in general. I have a feeling the men of my generation may just break the mold. They have been raised in a different time, with more gender equality not just in the workforce but of the mind, and they respect the things their wives feel, say and request.

I have high hopes for the marriages of my sisters and friends. I hope this statement is just one of many similar ones and that our generation can reverse divorce trends and reinstitute a family structure that blesses our children with a better world.

Okay, I know that is a lot to get out of one line. But it showed me the reality of marriage as a true partnership. Where one person may have to change if he or she is doing something that's just not working.

... and now I won't request anything else for at least 6 months. You can't overwhelm men, they need one thing at a time ;)

Disney's How to Calm Your Mind

2011-01-05T07:45:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I thought of "How to Train Your Dragon" when titling this post, but I did. Maybe because calming your mind is just as hard as training a dragon (probably, I've never tried my hand at dragon training). Most people who have tried meditating tell me, "It didn't really work."

I would say the same thing about my own meditations most days. First, there's the trouble of staying awake, which can be a large task in itself. Then, I have to forego daydreaming - a task I'm so good at I can drive across the expanse of LA and arrive at my destination thinking, "How in the world did I get here?" Finally, if I succeed in staying alert without daydreaming, I have to actually hold that state for an extended period of time. It's rough.

Yesterday I tried a new technique. I received a beautiful Serpentine stone from Julie. It is said to enhance the meditative state. I sat cross-legged at the edge of a bolster, lit my candle and played some Wah! music. I'm not sure if it was the stone or not, but boy did I go deep. The trick was learning to focus my energy on things that really mattered to me: my loved ones.

As I drew a deep breath in, I would think of someone I love. Then, on the slow, prolonged outbreath, I would mentally say to them, "I love you," followed by anything else that came to mind. "I forgive you," "I remember you," "I value you," or, perhaps my most often used, "I accept you." These positive mental affirmations said in love were incredibly powerful. As I continued meditating, I continued to think of people who needed my energy or relationships desiring mending.

Eventually, my body began to slowly rock side to side as if I were on a boat. This motion seemed to be coming from outside me as if I was not controlling it at all. I know it actually was my own body creating the movement, but I could not help observing in amazement as I truly felt like the whole room was rocking me side to side. I stayed for over 30 minutes in this state! When I was done, I felt so clear, happy and relaxed.

Meditation can often seem like a scary, foreign task, leaving you with no idea where to begin. I would recommend beginning within your comfort zone. What do you usually pray about? Can you sit down and send energy with these prayers? If you can, then you can meditate.

The Details

2011-01-03T18:49:00.000-08:00

In preparing for my goal setting workshop, I've thought a lot about the advice I've received in the past. I've taken a number of seminars, worked with a life coach and completed self-help series. I've, for the most part, felt very inspired by each experience. Despite that feeling, however, little of what I learn ends up sticking. In pondering the advice I would give others, I asked myself, "So what does stick?"

Here's what I came up with: having the discipline to remember what you want is the most important part of achieving a goal.

It is the nature of the world that your environment will change between today, January 3, and the anticipated end date of your goal. You will make new friends, come across new challenges, enjoy new experiences and suffer new failures. For this reason, it will be easy to forget why you set your goal. You may think it is no longer important as your priorities have shifted. This is the reason many goals go unachieved. It is also the reason many people get to a certain age and say, "Wait a minute, this is not the life I wanted for myself."

Discipline is the missing component. Discipline to keep your priorities, keep your eyes on the prize and - most importantly - to take a step toward the prize every single day.

For example, I asked a friend yesterday about resolutions. The friend responded one resolution was, "To exercise more." "Great." I said. "What are you going to do each day to make that happen?" There was no answer to this question.

When that is the case, it is easy to say, "Well, not today, I'm busy" or "I'm too stressed out to exercise" or even, "this job takes priority today." After a month of this, it is easy to lose track of the original intention to "exercise more." It's not enough to simply say what you would like. It is important to make actual action steps you can take each day or each week to get closer to the vision you have in mind.

I'm so excited about the life I have envisioned for myself today, this month and this year. I imagine it will be blissful. I look forward to sharing the baby steps I have taken to make that life a reality through this blog.

Resolution

2010-12-31T08:46:00.000-08:00

Okay, I have it, the one resolution that will be extremely challenging and extremely important: this year, for the first time in my life, I will tithe. I talk a lot about wanting to change the world, about living with less, about how money is not the most important thing. Now it's time to put it to test.

10% of everything I earn this year to someone who can use it better than I can.

Abject Poverty

2010-12-30T17:49:00.000-08:00

I was listening to a fabulous broadcast on NPR last week regarding the way many young women are choosing to enter nunneries today. For the first time in decades, it appears more people are joining the church's strict rules rather than fewer.

The reason?

As a young Notre Dame law student turned nun described it: "the abject poverty" of our world. And it may mean something different from what you first think.

This student traveled to Africa for a year and witnessed first-hand the tremendous physical poverty individuals lived with day-by-day. When she returned to the US, instead of being impressed by our physical wealth, she was struck by the degree to which this physical wealth was juxtaposed against an abject poverty of the soul. We are, as Dan Rather has put it on a series on some troubled Catholic church's lawsuits, "spiritually bankrupt."

This is the one fact that has been on repeat in my brain for months. We have everything, but we are depressed, addicted, pained and unhappy. All the money in the world has not bought the average American inner peace. Sure, we have 50" flat screen TV's, but a quiet mind? Who has time for that.

We complain about the "recession" and its plague on America ... the fact there are "no jobs." In reality, I believe the problem is often there is not the "right job" or the "job big enough to pay our mortgage." There are jobs everywhere that need doing. Babies need sitters, coffee needs pourers, streets need sweepers, and yoga studios need receptionists. But on these salaries, we will be "poor."

We already are. We have long denied ourselves the richness of a life lived with little needs and wants. We have long denied ourselves the bliss of simple pleasures. Perhaps most importantly, we have denied ourselves the wealth a close spiritual relationship with our higher beings and our God can bring.

In The Green Yogi, we have a sign reading: "A rich person is not one who has the most but one who needs the least."

This New Year, I hope everyone will think about the many ways he or she can begin to need less, want less and live with less. Sure, it is nice to buy things. But choose those things wisely. Pick the ones that will truly bring you greater happiness and quality of life. If the "things" don't pass the test, but you have some money to burn, give the money away instead of purchasing something.

I personally guarantee if you begin this practice you will find yourself far richer at the end of next year than you are at the beginning. Face the reality of your own abject poverty, and maybe you will realize your bank account has nothing to do with your wealth.

Goal setting

2010-12-30T08:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, my teacher asked me to help her teach. Julie and I have been discussing a goal setting workshop. In my eyes, she was always the teacher. Yesterday, she asked if I would help lead with her.

There are moments in life when you really sit back and say, "Seriously? Me?" And this is one of them. At once you feel honored and humble and maybe even baffled to be chosen, and on the other side you feel, "Of course I've been chosen. I'm perfect for this." When my husband proposed two years ago, I had the same feeling.

To stand beside Julie and lead people to their goals is an honor I cannot begin to describe. It's more than an honor; it is the culmination of all the work I've been doing personally to manifest my own destiny. I have felt for some time God gave me the power to do this so I could in turn share it with others. I will have that chance at the end of the month.

Now I have to decide what to say.

This issue is so very important to me it is daunting to think about squeezing all the power and glory I have found into what I think should be a five minute talk, max. It's like writing a college essay on the existence of God in 500 words or less (that was indeed my self-chosen topic nearly 9 years ago). I wish our society had advanced to the point where we could communicate without words, where we somehow had an emotional connection and I could simply impart the way I feel on another human, inspiring them to want to feel the same way.

But, since we are not characters in Ender's Game or Independence Day, this can't happen today. Looks like I'll have to actually sit and write. And yes, I do it for a living, and I'm in my element at a keyboard, crafting lofty sentences chock full of descriptive adjectives and outlining logical rhetoric while avoiding fallacy. But, when the stakes are high, the pressure is on, and these are the highest stakes I've ever faced: the chance to inspire another to claim personal bliss. This is huge.

My day just got fantastic.

Day of Silence

2010-12-23T09:59:00.000-08:00

I had my first day of silence on Tuesday. It was beautiful. I meditated, administrated the yogic cleanse, played music by Wah! and pondered life. I tried to come to realizations, enlightenment and peace. I almost got there ... right until the whole thing came to a crashing halt and my world fell apart around me.

My husband came home from work around 6. Knowing I was in silence, he quietly began changing out of his clothes and, as is our routine, kissing the cats hello. Try as he could though, he could not get our little boy Sebastian to come say, "Hi, Daddy!" This is very unusual, especially when Bitty Bas did not come to the sound of his food going into his bowl. We knew something was wrong.

After about 30 minutes of silent searching around the house, my husband looked at me gravely and said, "I think I need you to talk to me." He was right. I had to answer questions about the last time I had seen the cat, if the doors to the house had been opened at all during the day, and what I thought the best plan to find him was. So I began talking. And then I began crying.

The search went on inside the house and, when he did not turn up, outside in the rain. For over two hours we called his name and looked, called the police and talked to neighbors. My worst nightmare came true. I thought I'd lost my loving little boy forever. I thought he was stranded outside in the rain and cold among dangers like real street cats and cars. I thought I had doomed him to a sad ending only months after saving him from the kennel.

We called in quits for the night in a state of desperation. We made a plan to put out food and lock Jerome in the bathroom so we could open all the doors in hopes Bas would come home. As we were about to do this and eat some dinner, though neither of us was hungry, we started pulling all the pots out of our lower cabinets. It was then, in a mixture of relief and terror, we found out little boy. He was asleep in a chili pot, completely oblivious to our horror.

I scooped him up and held him so tight I think I bruised his ribs, crying like I haven't cried in years. The moment was so intense both my husband and I had intensely physical reactions, feeling sick and shaky and generally not right. But as the evening went on, everything returned to normal, and we sat talking on the couch with our two kittens between us.

I realized as I went to bed this was the perfect - albeit most terrifying - day of silence. God taught me that a whole day spent in my head thinking about life would not reveal as much to me as a single squeeze of a little creature with a brain the size of a walnut. When I hugged Sebastian that night, all my priorities were impeccably clear, and my day of silence came to an end in peace.

I realize he's "just a cat" and many people will not understand the way I feel. But I truly believe the animals in this world are more special than many of us give them credit for. They are close to God in a way we cannot be; their intentions and their hearts are much purer. In loving them, we elevate ourselves. Taking care of those who cannot take care of themselves - whether those are animals, elderly individuals, children or those with ailments - teaches us the value of our own strengths and blessings. It also offers a unique but pure example of love.

Sometimes our best laid intentions for making our way through this world, not just physically but spiritually, are interrupted by the moments in life that most need our attention. It is not wise to constantly be interrupted by "life" when you are seeking enlightenment, but in these fleeting moments the two overlap.

Determination: Patience Upgraded

2010-12-20T17:53:00.000-08:00

Patience is a virtue. One I was undeniably born without. Funny enough, my father spent months trying to convince my mother I should be called "Patience;" it would have been the greatest irony if she had not been so practical. After all, I arrived early and rushed right out of the womb screaming my head off. She may have had a motherly instinct.

In my life, my lack of patience has generally served me poorly. I never allow my tea to brew, my clothes to dry in the machine or my garage to open fully. This leads to some weak brews, some damp spots and even some occasional bumps and bruises on my car. These are the damages I plan for in life, and I generally don't let them get to me.

Career wise, though, the stakes are much higher. Many of the best-laid plans for success in a career involve many years of patient waiting. Whether your plan is to climb the corporate ladder or be cast in movies, you will likely find patience to be key.

In the past year, I have been following Jen at Follow My Bliss thanks to a link from another blogger, Alan at Happiness Awaits. Jen's story spoke to me because she quit her corporate gig, as did Alan and I - me not by choice, to pursue her bliss. Jen began writing, running a bakery and pursuing acting. The blog followed her crazed days and impassioned evenings in the shop. It also conveyed the fact she was often over worked and under paid. This past fall, she went back to the corporate world.

She says, "It’s not glamorous, my hair is often a mess, choosing what to have for lunch and dinner is always a hassle (?), and I feel grouchy and drained at the end of most days. It’s also not that different from my old “desk job” lifestyle except that I’m older and wiser and know myself a lot better. And I’m more patient this time around, more willing to tolerate these circumstances and to let what will be unfold in its own time."

I feel sad for Jen. While I have no doubt she made the decision to go back to work based on her needs and her lifestyle, I also wish she had stuck it out on the other side. While it is true the corporate world requires patience, hoping circumstances will "unfold in their own time," the world of the self-employed requires determination. It is not always about waiting around for something to happen but charging forward and forcing something to happen, manifesting your own destiny because you will not settle for anything less.

Thankfully, though I never received patience, I did receive a boat load of determination. Perhaps my father should have suggested naming me "Constatia" - Latin for perseverance. It sounds better than "Determined" and is more fitting than "Patience." I would also have settled for Entschlossenheit, solely for the pleasure of watching the substitute teachers try to get that one out in grade school then look up to find a freckled little white girl in pig tails.

There is a lot of bad that comes with running your own gig. You have all heard me vent about these over the years. But I hope more than anything you've heard of my determination to overcome these challenges because I know I am doing the one thing I am most suited for in this world.

I had jobs before this, and I hated all of them. I felt "grouchy and drained" at the end of most days. Today, even on the worst days, I still feel inspired by my work. It's clicking. I'll get there. No use waiting. Screw patience.

No guarantees

2010-12-19T18:22:00.000-08:00

I was watching a Dateline episode this weekend about a mysterious murder of a young connecticut businessman. This man was working hard to develop an import export business - so hard, his family was concerned with him. Note: this story may have been exaggerated for dramatic effect.

His sister recounted asking him, "Why are you always working so hard?" He responded by explaining the plan was to work hard while he was young and retire before 50. To this she said, "What if you don't make it to 50."

How many times have you heard a similar rendition of this story?

Recently I was struck with a similar situation that hit a little closer to home. A man who I admittedly am not close with but know in passing recently announced to some friends he was suffering from an aggressive cancer. He had been fighting the cancer for over 6 years, and he was successful for sometime, but it just came back. I looked up the disease - Hodgkin's lymphoma - and I learned the 10-year survival rate was 90 percent. That was good news, but what happened after 10 years? This part was less encouraging. Eventually, with the vast majority of patients, the disease claimed their lives, even if it gave them some good years to live.

I cried for days whenever I thought of this friend. I could not help thinking, selfishly as we all do, "What if this were my husband?" or "What if this were me?" How would I feel if I knew within 98 percent that the man I loved would not be with me to enjoy my latter years. What would I do right now to be prepared to face that fact?

I realized this disease was kinder than most. At least with this type of prognosis, the victim has a chance to ask these questions and deal with the answers before it's too late.

The victim has time to face the simple reality of our humanity: no one ever guaranteed they'd ever live past 10 years anyway. The cancer prognosis is just a confirmation of that reality. Every day, people get in car accidents, are diagnosed with illness, or suffer random acts of life-ending tragedy.

There is no reason this should scare you ... unless you're waiting to do all the things you want to do until later in life. Then, this is terrifying.

Okay, this is no shocking tale. We have all been told to take advantage of the moments to say "I love you," and we have been advised, "Never go to bed angry." We know we are mortal, and we know there are no guarantees. But somehow we act as if there are. Somehow we think, "Despite the fact people around me are facing this reality every day, it is not one I have to face at this point in my life." Actually, you do.

If you're waiting until you're 40 to explore the world, thinking that's the time you'll have more money in your pocket and time in your hands to take the trips you want to take, Life asked me to bring you an announcement: you may not make it until 40. You may not even make it until next year or until tomorrow. Don't wait to do the things you want to do in this life. You only get one, and you don't know how long it will be. If you have the financial resources and ability to live your passion today, then it's wise to start doing so.

There is a fine line between living blissfully and living recklessly. I hope I walk on the right side of it. But I'd rather be recklessly passionate than overly cautious about enjoying the world around me. It's a risk I'm willing to take knowing I may not get the chance to take it tomorrow.

The Bethany Eanes soon to be Famous Stuffed French Toast

2010-12-19T14:26:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's not really my original recipe. It's actually already famous for it's appearance on DDD when Metro Diner showed off their (Pittsburgh inspired!) menu.

Here is the original recipe from Metro Diner. The red text is where I modified because, honestly, I didn't feel like going to the grocery.

Metro Diner
Yo Hala on the Square
Stuffed Hala:
5 lbs bananas (peeled & sliced 1/2 inch)

two is plenty for 1-2 servings
1 lb brown sugar

I used raw organic cane sugar
4 oz Frangelico liqueur

didn't have any. used almond liqueur extract instead, just about a tsp.
3 lbs cream cheese, whipped
3-4 loaves fresh baked Hala bread (cut in 3/4 inch slices)

Combine banana slices, brown sugar and Frangelico in large sauté pan. Heat on medium heat until brown sugar melts and mixture is hot. Do not overcook. Cover and place mixture in large hotel pan to cool in refrigerator for at least 3 hours.

I started with water, sugar and butter in a 1:1:1 ratio. When this dissolved, I added bananas and extract. I didn't have three hours, so I added the cream cheese while this was still warm. Just be sure to beat quickly so you don't curdle any of the cream.

Whip cream cheese until soft and fold into cooled banana mixture, making sure there are no lumps of cream cheese.
Place banana cream cheese mixture between two slices of Hala bread (mixture in center should be at least 1 inch thick)
Dip stuffed Hala bread in french toast batter and cook on all sides (slice diagonally after turning first time to heat center also)

My husband makes a ridiculously delicious batter of egg, milk, vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg ... kudos to him
Serve on large plate or platter covered in blueberry/strawberry compote. Sprinkle powdered sugar on top.

Blueberry/strawberry compoto:
2 lbs frozen blueberries
didn't have bluebs
1/2 lb frozen strawberries
only had fresh1/2 lb brown sugar
1/2 cup dry white wine
Cornstarch slurry
I try not to cook with corn starch, so I omitted
Heat blueberries, brown sugar and wine to a boil (stirring often as not to burn). Stir in cornstarch slurry until thick (like pie filling). Add strawberries at very end so they do not break down.
Since I had fresh not frozen and did not use corn starch, my compote was runny while still in the pan. I transferred it to my Magic Bullet and pulsed it for a few turns, and the ingredients combined delightfully.

My husband did me the honor of adding this recipe to the "regulars" list, though I fear for our waste lines if this were to occur. To be honest, you can make stuffed french toast just about anyway you want. In this recipe, though, the key is the acid in the compote, which is quite sour on its own, really melds well with the toast to bring out all the flavors which may otherwise taste muddled. If you aren't doing this recipe exactly, at least serve stuffed french toast with a sweet inside (not use the strawberries on the inside. I would recommend banana, mango, peaches or pears instead) and an acidic topping (berries usually, but could also be citrus). The combination is so delish none of this dish lasted for a photo opportunity.

HEALTHY TIP: I actually made one serving for hubbs (it was his request), and I had my usual fruit and yogurt. This is a real stretch for a healthy tip, but I made this recipe healthy for myself by having a few bites of my husband's instead of actually eating it!

...

2010-12-17T12:09:00.000-08:00

For over two years, I've always had things to say on a blog. I've had ideas, frustrations, concerns and epiphanies I absolutely needed to share. Maybe it's just me getting old, but I've lately had very little that I absolutely needed to talk about.

All my readers know how I feel about life: it's meant to be enjoyed, lived presently and healthily, and shared with those you love, most importantly including God himself. My life has become that simple. While I care about politics, religion, family and cooking (which one of these things is not like the other), I don't have a huge desire to obsess over them anymore. For a person who spent the first 25 years of her life constantly talking, I have surprisingly little to say at this moment.

I am reminded of a pivotal moment in my childhood.

Every once in awhile, someone says something to you you'll remember for the rest of your life. They don't mean to say anything significant, and they will likely go on the rest of their lives without every thinking twice about the comment. But you will. You'll think about it more than twice; you may even think about it daily. My grandfather once said something like this to me.

When I was 16 years old, I was making one of my near daily visits to my grandparents' house. I could write a whole book about my Pap, a man who I have only recently begun to truly understand. He spoke little, napped a lot and attended confession even more. This man seemed a little one note to me as I grew up; he was simply "Pap Pap." I grew gardens with him, raked leaves with him, and listened to him criticize how much sugar I used when we drank tea together. Then, on that particular day when I was 16, everything I thought about him began to shift.

He asked me how my week was, and I said something about how it wasn't much fun. To this he replied, "People who always need to be having fun are never truly happy." I always needed to be having fun. Always. And that continued until I was about 23 years old. I lived for fun. I cried when fun was over. I could not stand the moments in between the fun. Would I ever be happy?

I understand this comment today more than ever. I rarely engage in moments most people would describe as "fun," but I am enjoying my life with a bliss I never knew before. I have little to say to people when they ask, "what did you do last weekend?," and I am even running out of things to say on this blog. I'm simply happy, and that's all there is.

So please excuse my posts when I talk about my own happiness. It has engulfed me, and I don't know what else to think about these days.

Actually, don't excuse any of it. I hope you drink it in. I hope you are just as happy. If not, if you're simply having fun, I hope you have so much fun you eventually tire out of it. In my opinion, that is the best way to put it to bed once and for all. If you are neither having fun nor happy, then I hope you roll out a yoga mat, put your hands in prayer at your heart, and pray to God to help you find another way.

This is the message I'm going to be spreading over the next many years of my life. I'm looking forward to finding a new way to spread it to those who need it most.

Life gitters

2010-12-14T08:17:00.000-08:00

My entire generation suffers from something I like to call the "life gitters." Just ask someone, "Hey, do you like where you live?" "It's great for now. Who knows about the future, though. I'd like to live in Costa Rica for a year." Or, "Are you happy in your job?" "Sure, it's fine. But I'm going to go back to school and then change careers in about 2 years."

We can't seem to settle down and say, "This is it." I had the opportunity to have a great conversation with a fellow yogi Saturday night - an opportunity I would never miss out on! We were talking about the prospect of buying homes and having children. She said, "If we do that, then we can't move to Hawaii." Or, "Then we're really stuck." I can't say I don't see her point. When you put down roots, you really are stuck. But, what's the matter with being stuck?

If you love where you are and what you're doing, at some point you just have to say, "Yes. I'm here. This is it." Sure, things can change in the future, but they are much more likely to change if you are constantly searching for something else. Instead, if you simply focus on what you're doing, be present and blissful in your life as it is right now, there is not so much need for change.

This has been my goal for some time, and I have experienced varying levels of success in this goal over the past few years. At times I want no more than I have at this very instant, and at others I think, "What am I crazy? I got married at 26. Now I'll never live on a Buddhist commune in Asia?!?!"

In those moments, I come back to the promises made to me in yoga. I can experience God and the wonderful life he has given me fully and completely from any place on Earth. I don't have to travel, move around, try different things or meet different people in order to be enlightened. I can accomplish enlightenment through a simple meditation.

... but isn't it more fun to travel, try different things and meet different people? Yes. Absolutely. So when I get the chance to do it, I'll take it.

This year I have so many exciting departures planned. To kick off the year, we're heading up to Big Bear and hitting the slopes. It will be the first time my feet feel ski boots in about 10 years. Thankfully, I grew up on a mountain, so I'm hoping I won't be too rusty. I will then travel back to Joshua Tree for a long weekend spent in silence in the desert. That will likely be the most unique trip I take this year, and heaven only knows what will come of the experience.

In April, we'll be celebrating our one year anniversary in Yosemite National Park! I have never been in a national park, and I absolutely cannot wait for this experience. And finally, the big she-bang. In September, we travel to the 200th annual Oktoberfest in Munich, Germany. I fully plan on hopping the train to Amsterdam for a day or two as well.

Even the most focused souls, completely devoid of life gitters, still want to get out and go sometimes. This will be my year for that!

Breaking rhythms

2010-12-13T11:41:00.000-08:00

I hate to break my rhythm. If I don't go to sleep at the same time each night, wake up at the same time each morning, eat the same thing for breakfast and exercise the same amount each day, I begin to fall apart at the seams.

This all started about 8 or so years ago. I was suffering big time from anxiety and insomnia - literally getting 2 or less hours of actual sleep a night - and I couldn't get my life together. At the time, I had absolutely no rhythm. Lord knows what I ate, drank and did each day. My life was constantly breaking into pieces, and every few weeks I would try to put the pieces back together again for a short period of time.

My therapists all recommended the same thing: a routine. They suggested I cut the crap and get my life in line so I could help my body figure out what the heck was going on day to day. Needless to say, I never really listened, which is why the pattern continued.

But, once I was ready to truly put an end to the madness, I embraced routines like a kid embraces his own birthday party. I simply ate it all up. I couldn't get enough. I watched the exact same episode of Friends at the exact same time each night. I went to the same gas station for the same granola and coffee every morning. I walked the same number of steps - yes, I counted - to the beach each day when I walked to the same landmark before turning around and dialing the same number for a daily phone call. And, most importantly, it started working. I began sleeping a little better and feeling a lot less crappy.

Needless to say, breaking routines still scares me. Even though I'm nowhere near as fragile as I once was, I still rely on routines to let me know I'm on track. Washing the sheets the same day each week, writing in my planner at the same time each morning, and yes, even having the exact same breakfast each day makes me feel whole, complete, responsible and on track. I'm not always an easy person to live with.

That said, I do crave a little break from my patterns from time-to-time. Even though it can get crazy, the times when I do get out and shake things up are often the most memorable. I took the entire month of April off when I was getting married. It was one of the best months of my life. I look at pictures of myself and think, "Damn! I look skinny, tan and happy!" It was that period of time when I really embraced my yoga practice and started implementing things like preparing daily lunches for my husband. Both of these are things I now embrace fully, each day and each week.

Breaking routines is difficult, but it is important if we want to discover new ones. So, I force myself to do it from time to time. The last few weeks were all about breaking routines (the holidays often are). Here are some things I did:

Stayed out past my bedtime to celebrate a good friend's birthday in a dive bar in Hollywood watching an Improv troop perform "Point Break" live. Got home after 1AM, covered in fake blood, and was SO exhausted when selling wreaths at church the next morning.

Went to a launch party for Jane Fonda's new fitness videos and saw Ms. Fonda herself. Met her agent, too ;)

Met Tae Bo creator Billy Blanks while sipping protein shakes at The Standard in Hollywood. Yea, Hollywood twice in one week ... who says I never leave the South Bay?

Got out of the house and enjoyed a gorgeous winter festival on a Sunday instead of curling up on the couch. Rode our bikes down to the beach, which we always plan on doing but never do enough.

Stayed out past 8PM on a Sunday. Okay, maybe that doesn't sound like much, but it was for us!

I did have one minor breakdown yesterday morning when, returning from my morning work shift, I yelled to my husband, "I haven't even packed you lunch in a week! I'm sick and tired of not doing the things I usually do!" To remedy the situation, we cleaned the house top to bottom for about two hours, and I felt accomplished enough to get out and break some more routines that night.

Evangelism Calling

2010-12-10T14:06:00.000-08:00

As I was growing up, members of my church clergy would always tell me I had a duty to Evangelize. Spreading the good news, apparently, was the role of all Christians. But there was something about it that just didn't call to me. I couldn't quite wrap my head around why I, who really had no answers, was supposed to go around telling people I did.

Now I have all the answers.

That was a joke. I'm not always intensely serious ... sometimes I laugh ;) I realize I still have no answers for others. I do know what has worked for me, though. I can, and do, tell anyone who is willing to listen just what has lead to a transformation into what I call My Bliss. I have been living My Bliss for about one year. Before that, I was living my Pseudo-Bliss, before that I was living my Average Life, and before that I was living my Hell. My Bliss came to me slowly, day by day and year by year, and now it envelopes me fully.

And I want to scream it loud for everyone to hear.

I want to find any person who is living in Hell, Average or Pseudo-Happiness. I want to put them on a path and help them stick to it. I want to create a peace and a dream together with all the people on Earth. Can you imagine how I would sound in a job interview?

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"
"Well, I'd like to reverse the plague of consumerism, spread freedom to Central Asia, break America of its addiction to medications and work side-by-side with Christ to create heaven on earth."
"Thank you ... we'll be in touch ..."

Thankfully, I don't have to go to job interviews. I leave that role to the more sane side of me - my husband. This leaves me free and unencumbered to be as crazy-happy as I want to be. Some days there is emphasis on the happy, and some days, admittedly, there is emphasis on the crazy.

I'm not sure which one today is.

It is my five month anniversary of making the decision to quit drinking. In another year, it will be as if I never drank to begin with. That's how life goes. You make a change, and everyone arounds you just accepts it. You can literally be or do anything you want because, as we say in yoga, the past exists only in the mind. I am living proof you can manifest your own destiny.

I realize my entire blog has become my way to Evangelize the good life I know. But, today specifically, I am speaking directly to you. Yes, you. I'm telling you it's time to make a lasting and permanent change in your life. To be happy, free and blissful. To feel inspired each day (well, almost each day), and to know that, within a short period of time, everyone around you will begin to accept this is the way you are. The way you always were. And eventually you can begin to accept it for yourself.

Live your bliss!!

Just say Yes!

2010-12-10T13:15:00.000-08:00

This happens to be one of my favorite lines from the always classic "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" (watch the episode here). But, today, I am referring to 'Just say Yes' because it was also the theme of a conversation with one of my lifelong - not really, but at least 8 years long - soul sisters. We live about 10 miles away from each other. Nothing short of a trek in Los Angeles, which means we see each other far too rarely.

Last night, I was going to be "up that way" for a launch party, and I shot over an email asking her to dinner. She said yes, and we had a great time talking and eating as usual. As always, the conversation came back to, "Why don't we do this more often?"

We don't do it more often for the same reason so many people fail to go out and do the things they love: we try to plan too much. We contact each other a month in advance, clear off the calendar, make sure everything works out with our work schedules, arrange for rides and then realize ... actually, that's not the best day for me.

As my friend and I talked, we both said this exact scenario has held us back from ski trips, vacations and even simple nights out with friends. As intelligent humans, we are designed to plan. We like to make sure everything fits into the little box we call a schedule, now accentuated with the smart phones we both carry. But, another gift of being human is our amazing resiliency to simply make things work. Even if it's not the perfect day or time to do something, humans can adjust. We can adjust.

We both resolved to say "yes" a little more often last night. When we're invited on a trip, when we're presented with a new opportunity, when we are asked out for coffee. When you simply say, "yes," you find a way to make it work. Sooner or later, you realize you are out doing the things you have been meaning to do for so long.

This is the plot of a Jim Carey movie (Yes Man, which is actually kind of funny) and of last week's episode of Sunny. And, sometimes it should also be the plot of your life. I said yes to a lot of opportunities this week and ended up on a fitness video, having dinner on a work night - gasp - with one of my best friends, and attending a fundraiser for a water polo team. It's been a good week!