Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I've Migrated!

It was only a matter of time before I moved over to Wordpress. You can now find me there!


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Video Blog!

Hi guys,

I'm moving out from behind the keyboard. Check out my most recent posts on my video blog. I know the sound timing got a little messed up on the second blog, but I think you can handle it!

Monday, July 11, 2011

1 Year Sober

Wow. I made it. I have been looking forward to this day for about 11 months. The first 30 days was all about the first 30 days, and ever since my eyes were set on one whole year.

This year has been complete, totally and selfishly about me and my self-growth. Yes, I know, it was also the first year of my marriage. But I think (hope) my husband appreciates the calmer, clearer, happier me on the outside. Actually, I know he does. I know this year has been easier for him because of the changes I've made. And, I know he's happy.

That's the most important part. I'm supposed to say my own happiness is the most important. But, ultimately, when you are married, you don't end up thinking of it on those terms. You act in ways that make you happy, but the ultimate goal of a happy you is a happy, healthy, truly fun marriage (and family).

The more you bloom, the more those relationships that are important to you can become strong. And those that aren't important, well, they admittedly fall alway. It can be sad for a moment, but the experience of growing into who you are meant to be as a person and as a wife is so powerful, it quickly fills any gaps left behind when your old self leaves.

I am currently reading Gandhi's autobiography, "The Story of My Experiments with Truth." He gives credit to God every single time he resists temptation. Gandhi admits he is too weak to stand up to any temptation, so if he gets out free and clear, it is only because God was acting as his protector.

I have to take a moment to acknowledge the way God has acted as my protector through this year. He has intervened on my behalf on so many occasions where I would have been too weak to do what was best for me. I live in eternal gratitude for the power of the Divine and His work in my life.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011


Adopting a shelter dog is a lesson in perseverance. You have to be strong in your conviction this dog was meant for you, and God brought you these challenges as part of His plan. Now, I wonder what it must be like adopting a child?

Friday, July 1, 2011

What I've learned about myself

I graduated from my yoga teacher training on Sunday. I'm officially registered, insured and CPR certified. I thought I would blog more about the process; but, to be honest, with the classes all weekend long and my normal schedule during the week, time was not flowing freely.

One of the things I did do, though, was journal to myself along the way. This was encouraged, and our teachers gave us writing prompts from time-to-time. On the last day, we were given the prompt, "What did I learn about myself?"

The goal is to write, unceasingly, until the teacher says stop. Stream of consciousness. In all my years writing, throughout high school and college, I never experienced "writer's block." But I definitely did at this prompt. This teacher training was supposed to be, if nothing else, a journey into myself. A time to learn about who I am and where I'm going. So why the heck was it so hard to answer this question?

Ultimately, I learned little about myself in the training. Truth is, my yoga practice over the past year has taught me all I need to know about me (for now). I get myself. I get why I can be difficult, and I get why it is easy to fix the problem. I understand why I faced the challenges I did early in life.

What I learned, though, was about other people. I learned people live in the moment. We're often taught about the importance of first impressions and that people hold grudges. Our fairy tales and movies show us that some people are bad, and others are good, and that's the way it is.

But it's not. People are willing to accept you today, regardless of who you were in the past. They take it at face value. People are capable of change, and they - at least most of them - believe others are capable of change as well. Most of them are hiding some qualities in themselves or choices they've made they find distasteful. They don't want to be judged for those, and because of this, they'll often forgive you what you're hiding.

People are much better than most of us give them credit for. They want to have friends, be loved, and get along with others. If you're willing to be the submissive one, to acknowledge your faults rather than calling them out on theirs, to agree this is, in the end, not a competition and, if it is, then they win ... if you're willing to do that, people are very, very easy to get along with. Society is easy to float through (or float above, depending on how you look at it).

If you give people every reason to believe you are a good friend today, a good employee today, a good wife today or a good mother today, they don't really care if you were those same things five years ago. And those that do care, well, you can choose to stop that emotion from coming through and just reflect it back with love.

At the end of the road, I've realized I'm no different from anybody else. We all have faults and problems, and we all want to be accepted despite them. When you make a change and reach out asking others to accepts you, they will. Trust this.

And if they won't, well, God will. God will always forgive and accept. And your dog will do the same :)

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Doubts, Marriage & Faith

A friend recently confided in me she was having some doubts about marriage because she developed a crush on another man she met. I looked at her honestly and said, "That is nothing to worry about!"

We don't stop being human just because we are married. We don't stop wondering about life, about whether things will fall into place the way we expect them to. We don't stop noticing there are other options. Even when we are secure in our own choices, those options persist.

Life throws these curve balls our way constantly. Doubt is very much a part of anything worthwhile, whether it is a career, a relationship with God, or a relationship with a spouse. Heck, we can't even go without doubt when it's time to order dinner off a menu (What are you having? Should we split two things? Oh, I wish I'd gotten that.) How can we go through marriage without doubt?

We can't.

Here's the best advice I have. Given, I've only been married for a year, so I'm not a seasoned veteran yet. But, I've been with my now husband for going on seven years. In that time, I have experienced doubt.

Just saying, "I have experienced doubt," is often more suitable than saying, "I have doubt." Often, what you are experiencing as doubt is actually fear, insecurity, sadness or loneliness. Acknowledge the feeling, but know it is just that: a feeling.

Feelings are not facts. Just because you feel doubt does not mean you have to act on it. Just as you are happy in the absence of doubt, do not lose your happiness when doubt comes. Learn to evaluate doubt. Ask yourself if your choice was, indeed, incorrect, or if you're experiencing a natural human emotion given the situation you have been placed in.

I think if more of us learned to live with a degree of doubt in marriage (or in faith), knowing it is a natural reaction to a number of life's challenges, there would be less divorce, less broken homes, less heartbreak, less turning from God, less loneliness.

When you have doubt, let your faith be stronger.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

It Won't Be Like This for Long

Have I written about this song before? Perhaps. I just think about it a lot. It's a song by Darius Rucker (Hootie!), and my dad and I danced to it at my wedding. The song reminds us how quickly phases pass and to embrace even the difficult ones.

We brought Flapjack home last night. He is on his first full day in a new home. He's anxious, won't eat, and poops a ton. He did sleep through the night in his crate, and he hasn't had an accident. So, I give him a B+ so far.

Mostly, it's hard because our cats are hiding and on edge. We adore them, as you know, and it hurts my heart to see them so scared. They need to buck up (the dog is only 12 pounds, and they're each over 10). But, even though I know they'll need to get over it eventually, and even though I know they will, it is hard to watch.

The song just came on my iTunes playlist. It reminded me of the day we first brought Sebastian home. He STANK! He was really little. Less than 2 pounds! He cried when left alone, cried when we weren't paying attention to him, and couldn't meet Jerome just yet. It was a really hard time. But, looking back, I miss that little stink man. He's so big now. Even though those days weren't easy, I wish I had been more present in them, not so fast to wish them away.

These days will be trying, but I hope to stay present and remember what it was like to bring Flapjack to his new home!